bodykit for my dear City is on the way.. probably be available in 1-2 days time. i expect it to be in by thurs i guess.. so dat i can dump the car there while i accompany Khai to JB to service his car..
there goes my $1000 ahaks!! but i believe its well worth it!
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I Lurrrveee this song.. kinda reflected me a lot..
Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain, oh
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be lovedShe will be loved
And She will be loved And She will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls
Tap on my window knock on my doorI want to make you feel beautiful
She will be loved
Please don't try so hard to say good bye
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WARNING, stay away from these cars n the drivers along wif its passengers when u're choked in the 2nd link queue checkpoint. there were 3 lanes to 2 lines. my lane happened to land to nowhere, so i had to squeeze either to my left or right lane. apparently, when i chose to go right, this huge white sucker die die didnt let me in although anyone, even me, would understand the situation n give in. so he let his left mirror banged my right mirror with his arrogant hard acceleration surging forward thingy... n felt so proud dat he beat me, dat i could see him boasting his success to his young kids, wife n whoever inside ah... Allah maha kaya... hari nie hari dia, esok lusa hari lori balak pulak!
alhamdulillah my dear City was safe, abeit a little scratch on my convex mirror.. n my parents were making such a huge fuss over it! hmmm....
im tired of driving.. sick of living dis life for the moment... let me bounce back, pleaseeee
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sometimes, a person goes in denial because he needs time to comprehend and process the information before answers can be given..
i hope people understand... n im not going asking our of guilt! thats for sure..!
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hehehe actually life's pretty much the same, with some improvements here n there in various department.. the last entry pretty much describes wats in store ah.. its too early to tell, but im definitely moving on...
the thought of my bodykitted car definitely is one of the major factors dat is encouraging me to move on.. n special thanks to my avid blog readers, old n new *wink* for giving me the strength to survive in this mysterious life ; )
i quote from a song by Linkin Park:
"i wanna heal
i wanna feel
wat i thought was never real
i wanna let go of the pain ive held so long
(erase all the pain till its gone)
i wanna heal
i wanna feel
like im close to something real
i wanna find something ive wanted all along
somewhere i belong...
i will never know myself until i do dis on my own
n i will never feel anything else until my wounds r healed
n i will never be anything till i break away from me
i will break away, i'll find myself today"
now u know why Linkin Park has become a part of me.. hehe ; )
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i would be having a Mugen Replica bodykit for my beloved City soon.. finally i'm getting what i've been dreaming of since months before i even own the car! finally i'm oso seeing clear skys after a prolonged period of stormy weather. better things are coming n on the way.
to my friends who are moving on wif life, cheers.. may Allah guide us in planning for the future.
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just found my long lost CD while i was searching for something else... funny when u cant find things u wanna search for, but will find it when ure searching for something else!
Sanubari by C.R.A.D.L.E.
Tak tersentuhkah sanubarimu
Melihat juraian airmataku
Tak terlihat kau redup mataku
Mohon pengertian relakan aku
Terus berpautan tiada gunanya
Kerna kerelaanku terbunuh sudah
Kering gersang tasik cinta
Biar tengkujuh tiada alirannya
Kembalikan aku pada kasihku
Usah kau ragu cintaku yg satu
Izinkan dia miliki utk ke dua
Dan terakhir kalinya
Ataukah mungkin kau lebih rela
Walau terbentus arah kita
Miliki jasad tiada berjiwa
Mencurah kasih membelai rasa
Sedang keteguhan cintaku
Tak terbentuk untuknya
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its funny how things turn out in life one after another... tune in next week, same time, same channel to know wat it is ...
by the way, dis date is my sister's birthday. its been almost 10 yrs since she left home. her name's Sulastri Sadon. Sis, if u happen to come across my blog, please leave me a comment or something. we all miss u very much, especially ur stubborn, irritating but "adorable" bro! Moga Allah selalu melindungimu. Amin.
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ahaks! dats a good one... wat if i propose to dat someone n we get married at golok? set?? : )
presentation time... first presentation assignment on roles n functions of sch! ahaks! we'll see how the outcome will be... kata moulding the future of the nation!! ;)
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y must ppl expect u to have a partner when u go to wedding invitations? my friend was even crazy enuff to ask if i want a partner... ahaks!
haiz... still stationary.. not moving anywhere. at least im slowly taking control of my life.
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it always feels good when an unexpected pleasant surprise came to u on an otherwise another ordinary day. i didnt expect to receive my paycheck this month, but we all did!! i was the one to busily announce to everyone and anyone in my class first thing in the morning..! hehehe at last, i'll get to pay my outstanding bills, my debts, and buy the necessary things like a new printer so dat i can print my notes n assignments!! ahaks!
next in the list, im getting myself a pair of rollerblades too... i wanna start learning to blade, so dat i could blade on weekdays before or after school at East Coast...
other things on my mind are oredi being listed out... time to rank them accordingly n see if i really follow the prioritised items to be bought, or i just indulge myself!! ahaks!
hmm, anyone willing to assist me in selecting the suitable rollerblades? : )
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i miss her...
got my street soccer boots torn finally... injured my toe in the process.. frustrated i didnt get to score. all my shots were either blocked or caught by the goal keeper. really feeling dissatisfied.. must have been the boots!!! need to buy one, but still broke. sigh, how then would i play if there's a game next week? anyone wanna sponsor a pair of nike street soccer boots? if im not wrong, it'll cost about $60 plus..
i still miss her... anyone has SGD$15,000 to spare?
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just keep dis in mind; never ever think of driving into our northern neighbours on the first day of a long long weekend! not wanting to go against my parents, especially my mom, i drove up to visit my aunt. the tuas checkpoint was ok... but i was in for a very very big shock when i saw the long lines of cars, buses, lorries n the lot at the end of the bridge. dat means i'll have to crawl for the next 3 km before i could get my passport stamped!
we spent from 4pm right to about 8.20pm on the 3km stretch. dont have to wonder n imagine how it looked like, when i bring up my digital camera from the car later, i'll upload the pics here! hehehe i got the chance to snap some pics, to disrupt the tension n tiredness of covering about only 1km every hour! i tot i would be the only stupid guy to snap pics.. soon after, another guy about 5 cars behind me did the same!!
my sypathies to those who got their vehicles break down in the middle. some had overheated engines... most i think had the same problems. others mebe had run out of petrol? God knows.. n those wif toddlers, babies n kids would receive my most sympathies. i mean, here we r, stuck in a long jam, n it was very hot n humid for those not using air cons for valid reasons. n those who had to walk the entire stretch to go to the restroom... at least the guys could cross over n do it in the bushes.. i met up wif 1 guy when i stepped out of my car to stretch, n we chatted for a while before he told me he wanted to pee.. i told him,"cross over ah, u can do dat in those bushes!" dat was exactly wat he did! ahaks..
also a prayer to my friend who has a misforture last night... nice to hear eventually it turned out well..
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i hope time would help me vindicate wat i believe is true...
Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizingI am captivated, I am
Vindicated
I am selfishI am wrong
I am rightI swear I'm rightI swear
I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intention
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that I am
Vindicated
I am selfishI am wrong
I am rightI swear I'm rightI swear
I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear
So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
So let me slip away
My hope
dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
Thanks to Dashboard Professionals for such wonderful lyrics
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First, a large thanks for all the comments made. it made me stronger, made me want to achieve wat i want to achieve my plans.
i hate myself for being in dis dilemma... i decide to remain numb.. i will not give in to temptations dat will spoil my plan.. so here's my plan.
im waiting for my first pay to book a riding course at mebe SSDC or BBDC. i'll work damn hard to get my 2B licence. then i'll buy over my cousin's Honda Phantom 200 cc, n ride to work, to tuition, to outing, to anywhere. then i get to dump my Honda City at home, only to use it when necessary, n for family. if i need to fetch my family while on the bike, i'll rush home to change vehicle then!
next plan, to get a fujitsu laptop for myself, get a wireless router, n make my broadband wireless so dat i can surf from my bed. initially i tot of a hire purchase, but to think dat i'll just make my creditor grow fat, i'd opt for full payment, using my 13th month pay dis dec. sigh, gotta wait ah, but its tolerable ah. its irritating dat i can't use the pc late nights coz my newly-turned housewife mom scolds me for dat! dats the reason i dont want to go home when i can. call me a bad son, but its better to stay away than to be at loggerheads wif my mom everytime im at home. sigh...
final plan... to let go to wat i hold on dearly to... it was nice while it lasted. thanks for all the time, concern n love. thank you.
i put my trust in you
pushed as far as i can go
and for all this
there is only one thing you should know...
i tried so hard and got so far
but in the end it doesnt even matter
i had to fall and lose it all
but in the end it doesnt even matter
Cheers... I love u guys, Linkin Park.
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something has happened to me.. i think im slipping back to where i started...! i dont know y, but i still love her... n i miss her sooo bad i've been depressed all this while. when i got to know she missed me too, i just felt sooo wonderful, so appreciated. suddenly the grass is greener.. the birds chirp better... before dat, everything seemed like a desert to me.. i heard nothing but vultures above my head, or the incoming sand storm dat was eagerly waiting to devour me..
but i know the whole situation is like a burst of energy, that is unstable, has to make it stable... arrrghh, if i were to have the money, i would have proposed her to marry me... n see how it'll be. at least if my proposal is rejected, i know where i stand. as long as she's still not married, there's a lot of possibilities i can come up wif.. sigh..
i know u're reading this .. i want u to know, my true love for u tells me to let u go, to let go of me pinning hopes for a future wif u.. i believe there still is a chance, only time will tell. if u come back one day, i know u're mine for keeps.. if not, at least i know u'd be happier wif dat someone. but please help me by making sure, really really sure u're happy wif him, coz it makes me sad to know u're not happy.. coz i always believe i can bring better happiness to u..
i know u think by telling me how u felt, it may spoil the plans dat i have for myself.. im making my statement public.. watever happens, a part of u will alwiz be wif me.. dis one cannot change, not u, me or situation. it helps me face the world in another perspective, whether better or not, we'll see how it goes. my doors are still open for u..
May God help us solve dis problem... :)
I Miss U.
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Im finally moving on.
goodbye yesterday.... welcome today.
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a huge thanx to the person commenting on my last entry.. ya its true, its up to me to get out of the depression mood or to remain n brood. at this moment... i think i'd rather remain where i am... coz i need to reflect on myself of wat has been happening to my life... so im not sure if im in, or not! ahaks! such a confused person..
gotta go sch now... anyway its getting cold here at McDonalds... my hands r getting to start freezing brrrrrr
life's gonna go on whether i like it or not..
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here i am at McDonalds East Coast waiting for my tutee to be available. supposed to teach him at 9.30am, but something cocked up. dont care ah, im supposed to teach for 2 hrs... but i have to leave by 11 plus... so whether enuff time or not i have to leave.
still feeling sulky..... im crazy for sure... but it sure feels good to blare "Linkin Park:Live in Texas" on my car hi fi while driving. reminded me of their concert i attended at padang wif my best bro n his bro last june. finally managed to extract the songs that were found in the VCD but not in the CD version. then i arranged them together wif the songs from the original live cd, n burn a copy for myself. I was upset the songs were not included coz they were my favourites... hence i dont intent to buy the actual cd anymore.. sigh.... i'd do anything to relive the entire concert again... will do anything but stop short of selling my soul to the devil ahaks!!
ive become so numb
i cant see u there
become so tired
so much more aware
im becoming this
all i want to do
is be more like me
and be less like u
we'll see how the day will go..
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DareDevil movie SUCKS!. watched for the first time on Star Movies.. luckily i didnt catch it in theatres.. ahaks!
hmm, been feeling sulky since afternoon. mebe its part of the effects while im transforming myself from being too emotional to emotionless... sometimes its better to have no feeling over things, n carry on with daily activities.. than going thru days n nights feeling miserable over things dat is not within my control... but then again dat's life.. such feelings n experiences are supposed to make us a better person right?
purposedly made myself busy.. didnt even have time to rest.. but dats the idea. when u're occupied, then u wont think of things ure not supposed to think, right? ahaks! now physically im drained.. but mentally im restless... mebe lying in bed might help... must play linkin in background.. sure can keep me company one..
hope to see better skies ahead.. but then again, its been raining, n so am my feelings... haiz.. life sucks at dis point of time..
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