LiNkInMaDMaN

hmm...

2006-08-07T13:51:00.000+08:00

happened to pass by, n tot of leaving something for those who still drop by hoping for some words written here...

So to all, HI!

I'm taking a break...

2006-01-04T16:01:00.000+08:00

from all the writings. I found out that I am usually too tired to blog. I won't be surfing at home for some reasons better not mentioned. I'll be busy in school working with my graduating NT students dis yr.

I'll also need the time to battle with few people in order to settle half my iman too. It's been tiring, and draining, but alhamdulillah me n my fiancee are still holding on strong. To me, life is always a battle. But, at times, we need to retreat, regroup, strategise, and come up with new "weapons", ammo n armour, to go into battle again. I'm retreating to save myself and my fiancee, n hope the 2 of us would emerge from the fire and fight again.

Till then, i'll drop by once in a blue moon, to talk about how my life is going on.

To Isya: happy new yr to u too. I didnt go for the Mendaki tea, coz i dont think it'll be a right thing to do since i didnt volunteer anything for them dis yr.

To Haida: Will look forward for the stork who will send ur delivery!

To IS: i can't promise watching TV at dat time, but i'll try. thanx for telling me! :)

Take care, ya all.. may the new yr bring in good things for all of us, Amin.

I'm back from KL...

2005-12-24T00:38:00.000+08:00

n here are some of the pics i was able to upload. I've chosen Flickr website coz they have the ability to view the pics in slideshow format, which i found is much better than others who offer similar functions. This is just my personal preference, n it does not mean there r no other better places to upload ur online photo albums..

I'll let the pics tell u all the story of my trip. More pics to be added soon. :)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/linkinmadman

2005-12-14T11:41:00.000+08:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Down but not OUT!

2005-12-10T11:37:00.000+08:00

What would happen to u when u have a 3.5 wks course dat starts from 0800 to 1800 from mon to fri, topped wif a 3 day-2 night camp at Ubin back to back, without enough rest to come by?

The answer, my readers.... a 38.5 degrees Celsius Flu dat plagued the bulk of dis wk. I was surprised myself dat i ran up such a temp. I didnt feel the usual shivering experience, except for a heavy headache n a weak body to sum up.

No matter, Alhamdulillah im still on the recovery phase now, my antibiotics r still aplenty, n im resting at home. Need to clean up my ultra super duper messy room too, mebe dat's wats been plaguing my body too! I can bet if my fiancee were to see it, she'd scream till there's no more scream left!

More stories abt my 3.5 wk camp. In summary, I'll be 1 of the 2 Teacher Officers being tasked to start a new CCA called National Civil Defence Cadet Corp (NCDCC). To know more, u can go to www.ncdcc.gov.sg. All i can say, its a great welcoming feeling after 7 yrs of absence from firefighting and rescue!

When you have soo many houses to go, but soo little time..

2005-11-13T14:33:00.000+08:00

u'll have to make do wif watever u have. dat is, for us, ntu friends, we just gathered whoever who can make it, wif watever number of cars we have, n head to the houses of ppl who r wif us. those who r not wif us, we'll gate-crash... n we're actually in the midst of our journey as we speak!

sooo, to those who r reading dis now, n u have a feeling dat u'll be gate-crashed, BEWAREEE!! ;)

By the way, Kamarul said Hi! ;)

After the joyful festivities...

2005-11-09T08:40:00.000+08:00

i'm bending my body down in pain, trying to endure the pain in the stomach, whereas my spinchter muscles are controlling my bowels. Yup, people, im down wif stomachache and diarrhoea... its been a few days. i dare not eat coz it'll hurt my stomach. yet i still need to go to the loo often.

sigh, one of the mishaps of overeating and overdrinking! im contemplating to go see doc now, or wait till after dismissal time in the afternoon. hmm, but i dont think i can last dat long. i'll check out wif the sch system here if i can get early dismissal for it.

ive got lotsa things to tell, especially over my relationship development, n the festivities.. but i think i shall let my diarrhoea subsides...

Let the paperworks come...

2005-10-24T15:53:00.000+08:00

When exams are over, and markings done wif, one can only hope for more free time. Alas, it was not to be, for we teachers are surrounded by students' results compilation, ranking and promotion exercise, progress report printing and distribution, as well as other admin matters to settle.

Like they say, work never ends... but look on the bright side, no more tedious marking, n there's the remaining 10 days n nights of ramadhan to fully utilise, before it leaves us another time. May Allah gives us all the strength to be more hardworking in committing ourselves to Him, insyaAllah, Amin.

The Case of the Embedded Fishbone

2005-10-18T17:20:00.000+08:00

It's been exactly 1 week since i got a fishbone removed from my poor throat by a doctor in a polyclinic....!

It began 2 Sundays ago, when i broke my fast wif Nasi Lemak and Otak-otak. I remembered feasting on the delicious Nasi Lemak which had fried mackerel, or ikan selar kuning goreng. Then I also remembered checking for bones before putting the meat into my mouth. At the same time, the otak2 eaten wif the nasi's sambal was also power! So in the midst of the meal, i got a bone stuck in my throat.

Mom n Dad told me to get rice in a ball shape, to be swallowed, in an attempt to dislodged the bone from my throat. It's part of the old people's advice dat also includes swallowing banana to get it out! i heeded both advice but to no avail. I tried using my fingers to fish it out, but ended vomitting on my own bed! And so i decided to see if it'd get dislodged by tomorrow.

I woke up still feeling the bone inside, except dat dis time, it hurt more. The more I tried to eat food to get it down my gut, the more hurt it got. Even turning my head caused slight pain n discomfort. By monday night, i got feverish n had to take panadol to relieve my 37.5 degrees body temp.

Finally, after my exams inviligation on Tues, I picked up the courage to drop by Bt Merah Polyclinic for a checkup. I had fears dat the queue would be long. I did go to my private doctor the day before but he didn't seem to be able to extract it using his scissors-like tweezers.

The wait wasn't dat long, alhamdulillah, but the doctor warned me if he couldn't extract it out, I would need to be referred to SGH Accident and Emergency ward, to have a probe inserted for a more complicated process! I was oredi thinking, Ya Allah, if dis oso cant do, then I just have to endure a day more to get it out ah..

I was told to go to another room for the extraction. Gosh, there were a few nurses looking at me, i got a bit paiseh ah. They must've been thinking wat kind of eater i am, till i could get a bone stuck! Then came dis Doc Ong, the same doc who checked on me earlier. At dat time, he told me he couldnt see anything clear, just some fine thing in my inner throat. Then he began to use the same scissors-like tweezers dat my private doc used. In my mind, i was like going, oh nooo, wat if he fails oso since he's using the same equipment! I had to open my mouth widely, and said "aaaaaaahh...". Next, I felt the pain i had when my private doc tried to remove it. The next thing i knew, i saw the whole bone on the tweezers!!

Doc Ong told me dat he could only see a small part of the bone on my throat lining. The rest of it was embedded inside!!! I was really surprised. I didnt have to pay anything since I'm a Govt Servant, n left the place wif the bone in between my two fingers.

As i took a more serious look at the fishbone, i discovered dat the bone was indeed very very long... at least 1 cm long!! I concluded dat the bone could only come from the otak2 i ate dat day.. its quite impossible to have such a long bone on the small mackerel i ate wif the nasi lemak!

Moral of the story: Eat only fish FILLETS!!! ;)

Surah Al-Zalzalah (The Earthquake)

2005-10-11T12:20:00.000+08:00

1. When the earth is shaken to her (utmost) convulsion,
2. And the earth throws up her burdens (from within),
3. And man cries (distressed): 'What is the matter with her?'-
4. On that Day will she declare her tidings:
5. For that thy Lord will have given her inspiration.
6. On that Day will men proceed in companies sorted out, to be shown the deeds that they (had done).
7. Then shall anyone who has done an atom's weight of good, see it!
8. And anyone who has done an atom's weight of evil, shall see it.

The "in" thing for the moment is the recent earthquakes dat rocked Pakistan n the areas around it. Given more thoughts, one can see the larger picture, when natural and human-caused disasters continue to plague our old dying earth.

First, it was the tsunami. It was the day human race woke up from their slumber and realised the might of Allah's creation. The most spectacular part, and a moment of truth for those who see, was that, in the midst of disaster, a humble mosque stood firm surrounded by rubbles and mud.

Subhanallah... by far, i believe dis one struck almost all over the world, resulting in the deaths of thousands of people. Death is one thing, the everpresent stench of dead bodies diseases dat the dead bodies bring to those who live is a continuation of what Allah can do when He is upsetted by his servants..

If this is still not realised, we were faced with Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, dat threatened to destroy the very source of energy humans heavily depended on, causing a worldwide rise in petrol prices. The days of $1.35/litre are long gone, brace for the inevitable $2/litre soon. On hindsight, it'll take at least 9 mths to a yr or more for the floods to subside and the repair works to be completed to the affected cities, and in the meantime, the plumbing n sewerage system is still not working!

Then came the bombing at Bali, where irresponsible people self-destruct in the middle of a busy restaurant, killing many innocent beings. The way the bomb was detonated, sending high-speed ball bearings out to aggrevate the damage and kill in the most gruelsome way, is just soo movie-like! Astaghfirullah, Islam never teaches us to kill one another, especially when they are innocent beings. For the suicide bombers, there will be no trials in the afterlife for them... I can't imagine what Allah will have for them, masyaAllah..

Back home, when we thought we are far from techtonic plates, away from hurricane paths, we were defeated by the small but dangerous insects of all, that spread the Dengue virus. Who would have thought such small creatures would leave a death toll of more than 10 in recent months?

My friends, spare a thought to reflect, and seriously analyse what has been going on, and what we can do to prepare ourselves.. seriously I fear for myself too, have I done enough amalan to ensure a smooth journey to padang makhsyar, or the field of afterlife, when we don't even bother about our wife, kids, parents and family members as we are soo preoccupied with our own luck... so sieze this month of Ramadhan, my friends, as if there won't be any more in the future. Do good deeds, and stay away from forbidden stuffs... and I want to get married!! :D

Why Matrix?

2005-09-30T15:28:00.000+08:00

I've always been a crazy fan of the trilogies, despite numerous people not being able to comprehend the meaning behind it. Like the movie, i've always believe that everyone has a purpose in dis world, we just have to find out wat it is.

Besides, i've got quite tired of seeing my old skin.. mebe some changes would spur more entries?

Last night was the second time in few months dat i slept the entire evening till morning. i reached home at 6 plus, n before long, i was oredi sleeping before 7. Woke up briefly to maghrib, then i just couldnt bring myself to taking a shower so dat i could attend my class at Al-Iman which ive been missing since last more than a month. I succumbed to the weak n tired limbs, n lied lifelessly till about 4.30 am. By then, i've got less than 2 hours to get up n shower to face another day at work, n dat means invigilating the first exam day.

So in between invigilation, i rushed to get my exam papers amended, since i didnt get to do it the night before. Also had a meeting wif the principal over my new CCA, which would effectively start next yr.

N work still has not ended, as i have to vet the students' remarks for the final exam report book.. i have to submit them by today actually, but i think dat can wait till monday. another late submission by the tired old me..

I trespassed...

2005-09-22T09:39:00.000+08:00

into a person's personal dormain to see if life is treating her fairly... alhamdulillah she has finally moved on without me. I'm relieved, i'm glad, n alhamdulillah another person has descended to give her the comfort n support i can no longer provide..

To my dearest fiancee: Honey, I thank u very very much for understanding me n all my past.. its been hard to move on but i finally am free from the clutches of guilt and fear of my past, n im moving on wif u in full force.. I Love U!

burnt pockets...

2005-09-19T14:33:00.000+08:00

as the price of petrol looked to remain at the current highest value, or set to increase in due time. for the first time, my petrol bill is more than SGD$350. the petrol companies were smart to give great discounts last mth, dat led me to have the lowest bill since i used my Shell card to pay for my petrols.. n dat was only $240 or something like dat. sometimes i feel like leaving my car at home, but mom would make noise, n i wont have the flexibility to run here n there like i used to..

ive also been bz.. my first few mths have been a sharp learning curve, recently its become sooo steep! i underestimated the time i needed to set my exam papers, n i ended up staying late nights trying to complete on time. amidst the stress of work n time, i succumbed to the flu bug... again! i've been sick every mth, n it wont look good if i were to take an MC for it, wat more since i felt very very sick on thurs, one of the 3 days of the week dat my principal frowns upon if anyone takes MC. i trust she meant those who tried to get long weekends by taking MCs on mon n fri, n to avoid contact time on thurs, but to be on the safe side, id rather not have any MCs at the moment, n self medicate..

new medicine in the market. i tried Rubitussen's 3-in-1 fever, cough n runny nose medicine. its in capsule format, wat was mentioned in the package was dat the capsule contains the fluid part of the medicine, 2 quite large ones per dosage.. n i cant exceed 4 dosages in a day.. all in all alhamdulillah it made me well..

i plan to leave sch early tonight.. want to rest at home before i go fetch my dad...

A Temporary Break...

2005-08-22T14:10:00.000+08:00

... not from my darling, but from the harsh accusations and the hostile condition both parties have been thrusting to. Alhamdulillah, things have gone for a "ceasefire", no marriage arrangements should be mentioned, at least not for dis yr. InsyaAllah, all parties should be back to the discussion table sometime next yr, where both sides can come to a common understanding, a peaceful compromise, though I almost threw the whole peace treaty to jeopardy.. a special thanx to my Darling's Sis, for inviting me over to clarify, before anything worst takes place.

Thanx to all readers, n friends who have been supporting to my cause. A huge thanx to both ustazs who helped us sort things out, though they may not be reading dis. A very Special Thanx to my one n only Darling, who, despite the torment waves of life hitting like its gonna break our vessel into pieces, stood firmly beside me n helped raise the sail of our journey without fail, while i steer the ship safely out of the storm. *muuacks*

Choice..

2005-08-16T11:15:00.000+08:00

Life is about choice... n it's clearly shown at the end of the Matrix Trilogy that Neo chose to persist and fight against Agent Smith, knowing that it was a losing battle anyway..

So from here, we know everything we do, we have a choice.. in school, i was told, for every choice we make, there are the remaining 500 or 500 other choices we didnt take.

Hence, my parents have made their choice...

N so have I.. will I get my choice?

Stay tuned..

To my bro, Fad...

2005-08-02T22:58:00.000+08:00

Bro, I wish u'd have a tag on ur blog so dat i can spam it wif my numerous entries!! neway, thanx for being there. I was apprehensive at first coz i initially tot u'd side my mom, especially so when she called me wif a hint dat she knew i didnt meet u days before; which means she's called u. n being in a situation dat none of my family sides me except for the exceptional few, i was too quick to label u as a supporter of my mom. but alhamdulillah im glad u heard my side of story, n u got the clearer pic. i think the fact dat ur face too looked tensed up n upset gave the initial impression dat i'd be doomed by u being influenced by my mom, but i understand u reacted so becoz u're just fed up over the poisons dat's been propogating around my aunts n relatives... but wat the heck, if they don't even bother to ask me personally, y would i bother to announce to them my stand in dis?

once again, bro, thanx for the time to hear me out, n especially the supportive words dat came from u after my previous entry. don't worry, our friendship is still intact. hopefully ur new "office-hour schedule" may allow us some time to catch up at Clementi areas, or anywhere along the way, as long as i can complete watever work at hand i have at staff room, n leave early.

Do watch out for ur back oso, i know my mom could've dropped some poison abt her unhappiness of seeing u n ur partner going out often, even to mosque just the 2 of u, in a vehicle. u should've known her well lah ah... ;)

She has been, is n will still be my fiancee, mother...

2005-08-01T09:00:00.000+08:00

... even if u've said yesterday dat the engagement is off n u didn't want to meet them anymore. It wasn't her family's fault for not opening their house door to u n dad when both of u came to their place twice yesterday, one in the morning, n one in the evening. I know u chose to lie to me dat u were at the mosque having haji class when u n dad were trying to meet her parents. I can't help but to think dat u had to cover it up coz i've been lying to u all along, n u want to get even wif it... so fine ah, i dont mind anymore.

All i want to say is dat it was just too bad dat they didnt open the door although u knew they were at home, simply becoz u didnt heed my advice, n especially ustaz azman's advice! just becoz ustaz Azman no longer entirely side ur cause for all dis, u decided to take things into ur hands... me n ustaz knew they were still upset over the matter, n all they wanted for is for time to let them cool down, get composed n get ready for another round of discussion.... but it seems dat u were selfish enuff to ask them to wait for my marriage, dat is actually months n months long, yet u can't tolerate waiting for weeks from now before meeting them again. So, don't blame anyone but urself for dis deplorable state we're all in now..

U've told me dat the engagement is off, i should carry on saving up for marriage, n when the money is enuff (SGD$15,000 u mentioned), then tell u so dat u could propose to them again. Wat i can say is dat i'll do all the necessary preparations, n InsyaAllah, all u n dad need to do is to distribute the invitation cards i'd have printed n distributed to u by nov 2006. dat will leave both of u abt 1 mth to inform everyone. n insyaAllah, not a single cent would i ask from u 2 to support my cause.

My last parting words, thanx mom, n dad, for raising me right from the womb, to who i am now. We know dat as children, we can never repay the kind deeds n help u 2, as parents, have been providing since then, n I can never be ur faithful, filial son anymore... though u claimed u didn't want me to become one, i believed in ur heart n to the eyes of those who u've poisoned, i am oredi one. Whatever it is, i'm now on my own....

WHY MOM???!!!

2005-07-26T13:55:00.000+08:00

Why do u always have to be the hatred person in the family? Why do u complain to the aunties dat u've been crying every other day over me n my decision to get married? Why did u consent to our relationship in the first place, on the basis of sympathy seeing me sad, n even went thru the engagement only to realise dat u're not approving it afterall? Why do u have to delay the marriage, n prioritise ur feelings without considering the feelings of the other sides' family members, especially Da n her mother? Why did u agree on the date in the previous meeting wif her parents if u decide to extent due to your ficklemindedness? Did you ever consider if they've made all the necessary plans because of the promise you've given them? Why did you admit now dat u're still not satisfied n tak puas makan hasil Emy when u could've said dat much much earlier? why did u allow me to get engaged when u know u only want me all for yourself? If u think her side is selfish, who is more selfish in wanting all my attention n love to be poured only to u n no one else? after what happened between u n my sister dat led her to leave the house n converted, y did u do the same thing to me? do u also want me to leave just like she did?

n now, why did u tell me not to answer Da's call, or any number dat are not familiar, on the basis dat Allah will bless those who want HIS blessing? does hurting other people's feelings means we get HIS blessing? does breaking a promise to another human sounds like a blessing? n Why do people tell me to have my own stand and principle when all these will be overridden by my mom whenever she uses her tears against me? Am i submitting too much to a mother whom is highly regarded in Islam, n any other religions as well? Why mom, Why???

Just when you think you can rest a while..

2005-07-19T16:47:00.000+08:00

... more work comes piling in front of u! Oral Examining is over, so is Speech Day. But... I'm now setting my sec 1 common test paper to be submitted by end of dis wk. On top of that, I have to start preparing for Final Yr Exam papers for Maths sec 1 n CPA sec 2!

Still, Alhamdulillah dat I only have 1 maths class, the rest r CPA classes. Means i have less things to mark compared to that of my friends. I'll make use of the time dat i have now to pace my work progress. Can't let myself slack, must persevere on!

Sometimes I wonder why banks have to close by 3.30pm. n sometimes I also wonder y GIRO form processing can take sooo long! It's estimated dat a GIRO processing will take at least 8 wks. Hence I'll have to pay cash for my Car Loan for the next 2 mths before GIRO deduction can be started.. Alhamdulillah again, dat my sch is near the bank I'm paying to..

hmmm.... I'm thinking of increasing my income, but the tuition I have so far is just 1 at the moment. Another should start soon, but where can I have more?

Work never ends..

2005-07-12T14:02:00.000+08:00

dats wat most ppl say. at dis moment, i couldn't agree less. I still have to stay back in sch till almost 5 every day if im not bringing the C division soccer boys for tournament. these things take up much of my free time, causing me to have virtually no time to mark my books, plan my lessons or even rest. My flu is still around, mebe due to having no time for full recovery. while one work is still going on, another comes in, my school's speech day is on dis coming saturday, n as usual, i'll be involved....!

sigh... but still, alhamdulillah, things r going well for my personal life. insyaAllah things will get better as time passes.

gotta run...

It's Youth Day in Singapore today,

2005-07-04T11:15:00.000+08:00

and students need not attend school. Hence, teachers also do not need to come down to school to teach. However, I'm one of the few teachers who are in the staff room now. One may ponder what's the point of coming down to school and waste our precious holiday. But for the few of us, we cherish these days in school where we can do our necessary marking and paperwork at our leisure. In other words, I don't have to rush for lessons, stealing whatever time in between to complete the admin matters that never seem to end! Phew... what a reliever today is..

I've just completed my weekly e-Record book. In the past, teachers used to lug around a large, thick, rectangular, brown hard-covered book for us to key in our weekly brief lesson plans, store the students' class and semestral test results, and whatever extra. Now, we do in in Microsoft Excel format, and submit via the online server in our school for our respective HODs to check. Hence, we save paper and money. I really like that. The only drawback is that I'd need to have a PC or laptop to do it. My given laptop is an old Dell model whose warranty is due to expire this year end. After about 3 years of service to me and the previous owners, the rechargable battery is somehow unrechargable, and can last a mere ten minutes without the external power supply. So working while on the move has to be ruled out. Still, Alhamdulillah I thank Allah for providing me with a laptop, from which I can work on at my workstation in the staff room.

My car is currently at the Honda workshop in Taman Jurong, my usual servicing centre. The mechanic supervisor, Wong, just called to say that my air-conditioner compressor has shorted out. He has ordered a replacement and it should be ready for collection between 4 to 5 later in the afternoon. No wonder I discovered some burning smell when I opened my bonnet cover to inspect the engine compartment yesterday afternoon while visiting my aunt in JB. Alhamdulillah, we didn't get stuck in a jam at 2nd Link on the way home, or it would have been quite a discomfort for my parents.

My advice for those who own cars that still need warranty services. That means we have no choice but to pay costly servicing at regular intervals. Please stick to the schedule and go to the authorised centres to get it serviced. Fret not because you will never know what will go wrong while it is still under warranty. If I had not done so, I may have to fork out between $800 or close to $1,000 for a compressor replacement minus the labour charges. Original ones don't come cheap, and getting a reconditioned (recon) set may not guarantee durability. As for me, I'll have another 4 rounds of warranty servicing before I've expired the 3 year or 100,000km warranty, whichever comes first. Come to think of it, my car is just 1 yr 5 mths old, and I've covered more than 60,ooo km already? :)

Packing up now. Heading to my neighbour's house for the second session of tuition. another 6 more to go before I get my first pay for the semester!

Tu ah, Hang kata Hang Terra...

2005-07-02T11:50:00.000+08:00

I couldnt get up from bed on fri morning.. so i decided to see the doc again to get an MC, n to get a more sedated runny nose tablets.... Doc told me the one he gave me dat was ineffective, was actually more expensive. Furthermore, it only works for certain people. It's meant to relieve the runny nose while not making the user sleepy. So I guess I'm the kind who needs to sleep one.. then can get better insyaAllah!

I spent the whole day sleeping, mom also did the same. She's also down wif flu n fever. I didnt go for fri prayers as I couldnt wake up. Furthermore, I dont want to spread my bug to the mass. I can bet half of the people in the mosques would be coughing n blowing their noses too!

Moral of the Story: Don't act Gung-Ho n decline an MC when the doctor intends to give one. Dat was wat happened when I visited him on tues. Now I ended up visiting him again yesterday! hehehe but its true, when u have the flu bug, the best remedy is to take the sedating medicine n stay in bed the whole day. Alhamdulillah, Im much much better now. Probably I'd be much better if I'd have taken the MC for Wed!! hehehe

Happy Birthday To Me..

2005-06-30T20:24:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday, happy birthday,
Haaappyyy biiiiirrrthhdaaaaayyy toooo meeeee!

Alhamdulillah, just entered 27 yrs old, n counting. Alhamdulillah a lot of pleasant things happen on dis day, especially yesterday night, for the first time celebrating wif my Darling. Like she said, it'd be the first and last time celebrating my birthday as a fiance-fiancee... InsyaAllah by next yr, as husband n wife, in a new house, n a new life, Amin.

I'd like to thank all who have been wishing me since 12 midnight dis morning, n may Allah grant u all happiness n health too! Think I'd sleep early tonight. It's gonna be a long long day tomorrow..

The Teachers' Investiture...

2005-06-30T20:13:00.000+08:00

was ok i guess, if not Great! coz we all get to meet one another for the last time at NIE, or should I say, NTU, coz it was held at the Nanyang Auditorium, situated right in the middle of NTU. I think, I shall let the few pics we took, tell u the story ah...

http://linkinmadman.multiply.com/photos/album/6

Im still sick...

2005-06-30T17:56:00.000+08:00

I believe my flu is reaching the pinnacle of its stage, where the nose couldnt stop "running", and the cough irritating... still Alhamdulillah, on my birthday, a lot of wonderful events happened; my Teachers' Investiture, my birthday, a surprise card from the welfare department of the school, n the best of it all, all the surprising presents I received from my Darling Dada! I've brought them to school, n hopefully will spruce up the otherwise barren desktop! ;)

continue later.. time to go home from School!!

I tot I won't succumb to it..

2005-06-26T10:08:00.000+08:00

But I was wrong.. after the trip, I didn't get enuff rests due to the induction courses on Tues n Wed, a whole-day staff workshop on Thurs n a half-day meeting on Fri.. not to forget the Speech Day Rehearsal dat was done on the same day dat afternoon. So I believed my frail body didnt get the necessary rest to recover from the trip to KL. I'm now down wif a slight runny nose, some cough n a weak body. Darling Da wanted me to go see Doc, but at dis moment, I prefer to self-medicate first. Still have some house work to do, mebe brain storm to get some ideas on how to teach algebra to the Sec 1 class tomorrow, n have lotsa rest as much as I can.

Want to get some food to eat for breakfast... hmm, wat has mom come up wif dis morning...?

We're back from KL...

2005-06-22T14:16:00.000+08:00

n here r the pics..

http://linkinmadman.multiply.com/photos/album/5

The Flat Saga Part 3

2005-06-15T10:08:00.000+08:00

Sometimes parents are like flip-flop switches..
For the non-engineering-inclined people, flip-flop switches are used to change state of electronic circuits between 0 and 1. Somehow Dad suggested me staying wif them after marriage. According to him, after all, I have no other siblings. They won't be long here on earth, n I'll be able to take over the house eventually. I would make a lot of savings from not buying a new flat, and Da's family would understand. He added that people would find it funny if I were to stay wif Da's parents who oredi have other kids wif them, who eventually will take care of them, while I avoid staying wif my parents who have no one else besides me..

I was thinking, WHAT IS GOING ON WIF MY DAD???!! I reminded him of wat he told me in the car dat day, of me not staying wif my mom.. He didn't deny dat, but he said after dat, he gave himself some thoughts, and felt dat it would be best if I were to stay wif them. According to him, mom would eventually cool off and mellow down.. I definitely don't buy dat argument!! Then he told me to think it over, I told him I'd have the next 9 mths to think it over. I was just soo upset over wat my dad told me. All I asked him was about my mom, n whether she was still thinking of the money she'll receive soon, instead I received such a topic for discussion over "son n dad" sunday breakfast!...

I've made Da cry by the news about the house thingy. I knew it was very very tough for both of us. But Alhamdulillah Da suggested the next day to apply for the house near my parents ah, abandon the thought of getting one at Punggol, Sengkang or anywhere for dat matter. n also, Alhamdulillah the units dat we have been aiming for are still available. It helps dat Bukit Merah is densely populated wif the other race, and the quota for them is full, leaving the quotas for Malays n Others. Wif reference to Da's friend who gets her walk-in flat about 1 month after signing and paying the $2,000 refundable deposit, we decided to only apply for the flat again sometime in Sept. At least, if HDB were to call us down, it may be in Oct. N we'll appeal for the marriage cert verification to be done somewhere in May, dat'll be about 6 mths from the day of receiving the keys..

Pray for us, insyaAllah dat wat we plan for would be a reality, for the benefit for both me n Da, as well as my parents. At least, it'll be a compromise between living near my parents, and getting our own space. For all the sacrifice done by Da, there's just one thing I'd like to express in my space here: "I Love U, Sayangku!" *Muuacks* :D

END OF PART 3.

Will there be another continuation? only time will tell..!

The Flat Saga Part 2

2005-06-07T10:48:00.000+08:00

Mom n dad went over to Da's place last Sunday to discuss the finer details of the marriage. At dis present moment, it is agreed dat the wedding will be held on 29th April 2006, Saturday, though I heard them mentioning 1st May instead, which will be on Monday. Alhamdulillah, Da's parents and Da herself were more understanding, they gave me support n advice on not to defy my mom and stuffs like dat. As for wat to come out of dis discussion, I myself dunno.

It was fine from the time we came back from Da's place till last night. Dat was when mom went sensitive again. Also due to my fault for being rude to her. I couldn't help it, like Anakin Skywalker, I was still overcome wif anger n frustration not because I couldn't get the flat, but over the accusations n stereotyping she's made against me last Fri. I'm still fighting against my dark side to let go of the grudge and anger in me, but I know it'll take some time. Now mom's not talking to me again. dis morning, it was cold, to the point dat she wanted to go mosque for "Kuliah Dhuha" by herself, while her fractured toe still hurts, and she walked wif a limp. Alhamdulillah, I cancelled my morning appointment and decided not to go school dat early. I left home wif her, n drove her to the mosque. Else it's gonna be another accusation flying to indicate her fury of me getting angry at her whenever she asks me where I went.

U see, being the only child at home now, especially since my sis left, my movements have to be told, my locations be informed, my estimated time of arrival be arranged before hand.. I think, after almost 10 yrs of dis kind of treatment, it has somehow made me furious dat as a 26 yr old guy going 27, I'm still treated like a 7 yr old kid. I have to take dis kind of treatment. I know I have to live wif all dis, Heaven lies at to sole of your mother, so I still owe the respect to my mother, who has carried me for a full 9 mths, gone thru excrutiating labour, and gambled wif her life just to bring me into dis world.... ya, I should extinguish all smoulders of fire in my heart, forgive her for her wrongdoings, and carry on wif life..

now where do I start... Already, I've made Da angry, n dat makes me hurt 2 ladies at one go! sigh, what has become of me... Definitely not a Sith apperentice!

END OF PART 2

The Flat Saga Part 1

2005-06-04T15:52:00.000+08:00

The Flat Selection is OFF!

No purchasing of new flat. Not for now... Mom had to sob uncontrollably in front of me early one Fri morning, accusing me of being a disrespectful son for making final decision to marry in Dec without acknowledging her desire to have it next yr, and me not knowing to control my desire in wanting to get married early. Her threat of "if u still want it your way, go ahead lah, but if u come back n find me not around, just too bad ah" was enough to make me n Da decide to abandon our plan altogether. Wat did she mean by dat? Did she mean she'd leave the house? or would she suffer from a heart attack and pass away? Ya I sound very very crude n disrespectful, but dat is wat she wanted me to intepret. Mom doesn't understand dat Da's family couldn't afford to have 2 wedding receptions. For those non-Muslims, dis means having a small reception for the marriage solemnisation ceremony in Dec 2005, and another larger wedding reception where guests are invited for the feast sometime in May 2006. Though the first reception can be small, but her family members are very extensive, hence it may be small for some but definitely a large one for her, and having 2 receptions would not be cost-effective for her. I couldn't agree less wif dat!

While driving to send my dad to work, I could see the sad look on my dad's face, n the tone of his voice explained everything. I could see he's tried his best. I also made the decision wif my dad, dat I wouldn't be making the flat selection come next tues. I told him dat me n Da had nothing to lose if we miss dis selection. The people who would lose out would be my mom n dad coz I don't forsee us getting another chance of having a flat unit so close to them. For me, wat's the point of selecting if we can't get married when we need to show HDB the marriage cert when the time comes? Dad understood my decision. He also suggested me not to stay wif them after marriage. He understood the pressure Da would have to go thru if we do stay. N I've told him I've decided to apply for another flat somewhere we can better afford, and set up a family further away from them. Probably Sengkang, Punggol, I don't mind anymore. Distance is not a factor for me coz Alhamdulillah I have my own transport, I just need to leave home earlier to work. Now we have a lot more time for our flat selection and more chance of saving up more money for the house.

When I told Da later dat morning. it was hard for her to swallow, it was so very difficult for me to tell her, but I had to, after all, we've promised to share everything, our problems, our concerns, even if it would affect anyone of us badly. Alhamdulillah, Da was able to take it with much patience, insyaAllah. Alhamdulillah Da's mom was also understanding.

Things have to start changing for me... I'll try my best to work towards marriage in middle of next yr..

END OF PART 1

Alhamdulillah, Allah is Great!

2005-05-31T10:43:00.000+08:00

After all the problems and hiccups that has been surrounding our relationship, a sudden turn of the tide refreshes us with more strength and faith in the greatness of Allah.

Alhamdulillah, He has moved my friend's heart to give me a call yesterday morning to inform me of a HDB Walk-In Exercise. One has to join a queue to get the application form. In it, the queue number is printed. Hence if you were to submit the form at the last moment at 5pm yesterday, your queue number still depends on the time you collected the application form, hence no rush! My kind friend, Kwang Hwee, got a queue number of about 500+. Alhamdulillah, mine is 822. I saw someone wif a queue no. of 1987 while I was submitting mine. Alhamdulillah, the chances of us getting the flat that we want is high. Moreover, the quota for Malay or Indian or other applicants for the flats that we wanted is favouring us. To add on, I do not see much Malays staying at our area, therefore I think we do stand a very high chance. I pray for my chinese friend who wants to apply for Queenstown area, to get his too, since his quota is very very limited.

For once, I am sooo glad and happy, Alhamdulillah, that both my mom n dad are supportive of getting dis flat. N I'm glad dat my dad supported the idea of getting a 5-room flat. He also doesnt mind dat I would need to fork out cash every month to supplement the CPF contribution. I forsee dat we'll need to do dis for the next 5 yrs max. InsyaAllah by then, both Da and my CPF contribution will suffice the instalment.

So, the wait for the selection of flat begins now.. and hopefully it will end happily on next Tues, 7th June at 2.15pm. Pray for us, may Allah help us to endeavour dis tough journey of life, in building a family full of berkah on the foundations of Islam and Allah's Guidance, Amin.

To Da: thanx for the most wonderful time spent yesterday, Muuacks! N Thank you, Allah, for answering to our prayers!

2005-05-24T14:06:00.000+08:00

Sometimes things turn out not the way you wanted it to be. Sometimes you want to be positive in life so much that you hope to gain acceptance, in the name of the greater good. Sometimes, sometimes...

But Allah is Almighty and He has the power to change any plans one has made. There's definitely a reason for it. But I'm trying to be a better Servant, trying to settle half of my Iman, but like they say, We plan, Allah decides..

May Allah give the strength for both me and Da to go thru dis torturous moments.. Amin.

All is not lost..

2005-05-21T05:40:00.000+08:00

If we were to take a look at a toddler, how he tries to learn to walk, we would expect him to fall more often as he grapple with balance and pace. But the sheer determination in him does not make him give up, instead, the toddler forces his way and learn to walk in no time...

I would use dat as an analogy for my fiancee. She didnt pass the driving test due to some actions dat led to immediate failures. Somehow I was the one feeling sad, more than her, coz I could emphatize for her, the time and money spent as the test date was drawing near... but she took the entire experience a cool as a cucumber. Hmm, a learning point for me from her about life. All is not lost, she gained a unique experience of driving while the tester is sitting next to her, n dat would greatly help her in the near future as she embarks on another test coming insyaAllah somewhere in August dis yr. Dis time, I believe Da and I will be much more prepared.. :)

Thanx for all the prayers for her, folks..

I'll be driving up to Segamat to see my cousin get married there.. he's a Malaysian by the way. N the traffic camera pic dat I've just monitored are not doing a great favour, both entry points at Tuas n Woodlands r jammed up wif cars.. So wish me luck, n pray for a safe journey!

May Allah grant u His blessing, sayangku

2005-05-20T08:30:00.000+08:00

My fiancee, Huda, is going through her last revision driving class as we speak, before she takes the practical driving test at 0915 later today. To all readers, please pray for Huda that Allah will help her in any way He can to make her pass dis important test. Then she will not have to worry about rushing to her night class after work coz she could use her father's car.

I really admire her strength in pursuing her academic studies. Not many people would leave work at 6pm, take a public transport, or be ferried by her father or brother to SIM Namly Avenue for class at 7pm, and endure the sometimes boring lectures till 10pm, at which, by this time, she would be mentally and physically drained. If her father or brother is free, then she would be ferried home. Else, she would go through the ordeal of spending the next 1 hour plus in bus 66 on a journey home to Bedok Reservoir. She's been doing that 3 times a week for almost 3 yrs, so I guess u can understand why I admire her determination..

So back to the point, ya.. pray for her, can? thanx folks!

PS: Del, nice of u to intro urself to say dat u've been reading my blogs. Alhamdulillah dat I somehow have become a role model for u, but bear in mind, there r many other ppl who r role models too.. Watever good parts u see in me comes from Allah, and the bad part comes from myself. May we all work hard to be good Allah's Servants, insyaAllah.

By the way, my role model will alwiz be Rasulullah, p.b.u.h. ;)

The Technology Irony

2005-05-18T18:03:00.000+08:00

Computers are supposed to assist you in your work, not to make you soo dependent on it that you feel that it's the end of the world if it crashes. Well, I almost felt that way. I thought my new hard disk crashed, which I felt was near to impossible, to consider it was brand new and just weeks old.

Later I realised that my 5 year old motherboard is getting weary, and somehow it is not able to handle 2 harddisks of different makes at the same time. Therefore I had a hard time the entire weekend trying to make things run smoothly on my 40Gb Maxtor disk. I have to let my newly replaced 80Gb Western Digital on hold for a while, till I have enuff funds to get my motherboard replaced!

ok that's all the time I have for now..

Posting's OUT!!

2005-05-10T19:20:00.000+08:00

Though there wasn't any classes or enrichment courses for today, we guys met up for a street soccer game at Bedok South. N no one talks anything except posting.. ya, its the "in" thing to talk abt for us graduating teacher trainees. Everyone's concerned where they'll be posted to. "Will I be posted to my Practicum School?" Some loathed thinking of going back. Some were eager to be back. One common thought: What can we expect after we get posted? Will we have to report to the school as early as possible?

I had to wait till I reach home at Asar before I know where I get posted to. I prayed at Masjid Alkaff Kampung Melayu to ask Allah to give me peace of mind, and so dat I'll "redha" or accept what He has given to me, in terms of my posting. So with butterflies in my stomach while on the phone wif Da, I opened the envelope with anticipation...

The first thing I was looking for was to find the name "New Town" in one of the lines. I was concerned if I were to get posted back, coz I didn't kinda like the way the students are. I mean, every school has its strength and weakness. For me, I don't think I'm cut out to be facing those "devils", though I know I'd get the support of my colleagues, and I kinda like the Maths Department people. So when the word "Kent Ridge" was wat i saw, I was feeling relieved, Alhamdulillah. Then later I realised wif Da, dat the school was the one we saw as we were leaving Ginza Plaza after a late lunch at Sakura Thai Restaurant. Da did mentioned to me dat she wondered wat if I were to be posted to such a school dat far.. n indeed now I'm a staff there! Well, still Alhamdulillah I praise Allah, for not posting me as far as Lakeside! coz, my practicum friend, Wai Yun, is posted to Yuan Ching Sec, next to LakeSide MRT station, n she's a Lady!! so u can imagine the distance she has to travel, n she still has yet to pass her driving!

Called the school, talked to the Administration Manager, who talked to the principal to ask if I was needed to report anytime dis week.. so again Alhamdulillah I didnt need to. Some school's principal can be so "on the ball" dat they may want the newly posted teachers to report as early as tomorrow or dis Fri! Phew, at least I only need to be in the school at 0715 on 24th May, the first day we're officially out of NIE!

So there it is, a new beginning, a new start, and insyaAllah a new move to working towards my blissful marriage preparations. Me and Da will start attending our marriage preparation course dis Sunday, and the following Sunday and Monday, since it'll be a public holiday. It's been quite a tough ride, dis month.. like other couples, we had our misunderstanding, and we've been caught in a deadlock a couple of times, but Alhamdulillah, things r going back smoothly but slowly now. Thanks Sayang, for understanding my character, tolerating my nonsense and most importantly, accepting me for the way I am, all the bad things come from me, n I promise I'll try improve myself for the best of both of us, insyaAllah! :D

Latest progress:

During the May Day Monday holiday, Da's mom invited my family to join their family picnic, and I mean an extended family gathering, complete with her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins! It went out so well, Alhamdulillah, that mom plans to join their family's monthly religious class end dis month, insyaAllah!

Me n Da brought both our parents for a mothers' day dinner at Sakura Thai at Eastpoint last sunday, and it brought both sides together and closer, being my mom wanting to come over Da's house to have a pleasant chat wif Da's mother anytime soon, mebe dis Sunday!; Mother's Bonding I presume! alhamdulillah, really! besides Da, only Allah knows how i really feel. May He shower all of us wif his Rahmah and blessing, Amin.

It's not Impossible, Inevitable,,

2005-04-27T09:20:00.000+08:00

My title quoted from Agent Smith of Matrix Revolutions when Neo found out he took over Bane's body, one of the ship's crew, and the battle of Neo n Smith in the "real world" ended wif a dead Bane, and a blinded Neo..

Dat aside, in all meaning of the title above, 2 things occured at the same time which required me to part wif my hard-earned tuition money meant for my marital savings.

It was love at first sight, and more of love at first try. My close friend, Saidi bought it first when he had to change his sleek rubbers due to an unpatchable hole... since dat fateful purchase on the first day of my City Nurhonda, life as a driver had been kinda speed demon, coz of the confidence I have over my Advan Neova AD07. They had travelled wif me to as far as KL and Melacca, and endured the run of 160km/h at one point in my life, though I won't be doing such a stunt anymore, abeit the adrenaline rush I had!

Now they have worn out and hard; noise making is their specialty, but grip is still not compromised much... so it was time to shop for a new beloved.. n wat more can I talk about but of my 4 precious tyres! As greatly emphasised by Saidi, they are the only 4 small contact points between u and the road, and ensuring that they are promptly replaced when worn is of utmost importance. I was more concerned when he told me dat tyre burst is highly possible if I let them wear to its limit. At the moment I was getting it replaced, the inner groove's worn-out marker has already surfaced. In other words, I have less than 1.8mm groove left, which, if my car were to be sent for inspection, I'd fail with flying colours! ;)

I shopped at my usual YHI warehouse, the distributor of Yokohama tyres, and the reknown Enkei, OZ and their house-brand, Avanti. I decided to get my preferred Aspec dB A500, Yokohama's breakthrough in clinching the quietest tyres in the competitive market. I met up wif Raymond, the usual salesman I've been served by since the first time me n Saidi went in 2002. As usual, a wide smile was beaming from him, and I smiled more when he gave me a good deal for a set of 4 newly released rubbers, yet to be unleashed to the market. According to Raymond, I'm the first person to have a car fitted wif one. I promised him a review, and all I can say from a first day drive is, the tyres r MAGNIFICENT Alhamdulillah. It stays true to its claim of being silent. The only thing that broke the silence was my engine's roar and the occasional road noise. Alhamdulillah I finally got wat I wanted, at very unbelievable prices.

Those who are interested in checking out which tyres I meant, at the moment, u can only find the details from catalogs found at YHI at Pandan Road. Like wat Raymond said, it has not been officially launched yet, and I can't find it in the net. Anyway, it's called "DNA dB ES501".

The second instalment of my inevitability, my home PC's 11th month, 15 day-old hard disk just crashed on me last Sunday evening. Mom's face went pale when I told her, coz her Syarahan audio files were all in there! Initially I tot I was attacked by virus, but it turned out dat the HD I was using as quite prone to a "Disk Boot Failure" problem. I even had a problem getting the HD detected by the BIOS. I was in for a state of shock becoz there wasn't any warning to its failure, unlike my previous HD which gave me much ample time of its demise. Reluctantly, I went to get a new HD, NOT the same brand of dis demised one, but the one dat gave me ample warning before its "departure"; coz at least if it were to break down, I'd have time to do my necessary backing ups!!

It turned out, when I connected the new one as the Master, and the crashed one as the Slave, both got detected, and I soon found out dat I could access the data when I got XP installed in my new HD. Alhamdulillah, Allah gave me some hope in retrieving all the important data such as my mom's syarahan audio files, my videos and MP3, and other impt data relevant to my work! Phew.... But I still need to repartition my new HD, it still needs tweaking, and I guess it won't be dat early to finalise my backup, and send the old one to the distributor since it's still under warranty. Probably I'd get a replacement, coz my best guess, n almost everyone's guess is dat the sector of the disc platter containing the impt boot records have been damaged, due to its own needle scratching the surface I guess?

Now Im thirsty... n I have to get ready for class soon... ever wonder why I have so much time in hand? It's "ORD" mood, man; n I've got 2 more working days in dis sch! Though more responsibilities n duties to come once I'm inducted into the system, Heck! enjoy watever time I have!!!

See ya all... ;)

8 down... 1 more to go..

2005-04-22T12:27:00.000+08:00

dats the number of weeks of practicum we've had so far... n i can't wait to end dis. Alhamdulillah I don't foresee any problems passing dis important part of my course. n from the looks of it, I dont want to think of where I'll be posted to in the end. Wat I want to know is dat I'll be meeting up with the rest of the "Blunt Axe" guys, n probably we get to play soccer together, along wif our professor too!

time to go mosque.. enjoy your weekends... ;)

Ng Kau..

2005-04-21T12:52:00.000+08:00

Students nowadays can be such a pain in the **s. Simply can't follow simple instructions, n think that one can talk during exams.. n replied so rudely when confronted. I wanted to scream n tear their papers, but I told myself wats the point when I'm leaving the school by next fri... so like dat lah, makan hati...

Hmm, mebe I do a bit of running to de-stress.. n be back by maghrib coz there's class tonight. Probably Ustaz would spend the entire time for zikir n selawat since it's Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h.) 's birthday :)

Must start eating lunch now, dont want to be sick again! ;)

Ain't dat bad..

2005-04-20T16:15:00.000+08:00

Just finished doing time-keeping for oral exams conducted in the school hall for the past 3 afternoons. consider myself lucky or otherwise, I had to do time-keeping for only today. But the drawback is dat I was tasked to take charge of the last Normal Acad class.. which by nature, could be quite boisterous. I think the threat of them being chased out of the hall and get zero marks for making a nuisance while waiting for their turn, made these pupils think twice before they intended to do anything stupid!

n today's also the end of my teaching week for today. The school has come up with a system where the language exam papers are taken earlier than the others. I believe dats because language papers are the most time consuming to mark, especially when the essays written by these students can be very atrocious and bad. I've marked essays before, and i understand dat we can only mark about 3 essays in an hour. dats becoz of the grammatical and other types of errors students commit in their writing. so imagine if an english teacher were to have 2 classes of a total of 80 students, how long will dat take? I dont wanna know. Thank goodness I'll only be teaching maths n CPA, answers are more or less straight forward!

Despite the last teaching day of the week, the students in both my Maths Express and Normal Acad seemed to be more restless and inattentive. I guess, for me, since its going to be my second last week of my practicum, i became someone who couldnt care less if they were to pay attention or otherwise. especially in my normal acad class. Somehow they were very restless and talkative. I even warned that I wouldnt stop those who didnt want to pay attention, coz i wouldnt have much time to entertain such nonsence and wasting my time trying to get everyone to look up and keep quiet. Sigh... dats how teaching days can be at times. good luck to those who didnt pay attention, n all the best to those who's been giving much effort in their studies.

By the way, i finally managed to change my blogskin. Now i think it looks much brighter, much cheerful and more appealing. but its still Linkin Park themed. Tot of having a Matrix concept for a change, but none catches my attention. Feel free to comment on it, I'll be adding a song just like before, but will be from the list of songs found in the Reanimation Album. Can't seem to be able to load the song from school intranet..

Have a pleasant day ahead....

2 down, 1 more to go

2005-04-15T00:00:00.000+08:00

dats the number of exam papers my fiancee has left for dis semester. she's been studying very hard for the papers, until she didnt have enuff sleep! but i hope all the effort would pay off when the results would be a good one in the end.

been scolding students quite often lately. one student even came up to me during recess time to ask y i've been looking quite moody dis week. i mean, which teacher wouldnt be mad if the class is not taking the lessons seriously, especially when there were students who talked while the teacher was trying to explain something. even more so if the students actually come from the express stream, n thinking they're soo damn smart enuff not to give a damn to my explanation! well, at times, i just tell myself not to care for them, but if i were to do so, then im not being a good responsible teacher. so here's every teachers' dilemma. we as teachers, can only do dis far, the rest of the effort must come from the students. if all teacher were to do the homework chasing, scolding, and become a nanny to all students, one fine day, we all will collapse... n even when we do, we are still not appreciated, instead, being labelled for not having proper time management, or not putting enuff effort in our teaching. in addition to dat, we have to make students think critically, especially when maths is concern. but, if students are not able to grasp the basics of a certain mathematical concept, how can we make them do some critical thinking? its like we ask a toddler to run before he can even walk properly!!...

sigh, dats life... still, teaching is a calling for me, just like the rest of the teachers n fellow colleagues i know. may one day, we will get the respect we deserve, not just from our students, but also from their parents, n fellow colleagues!

good night, friends.

2nd NIE Supervisor observation done..

2005-04-07T19:08:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah it was done... but dis time it was fun, although my grades were not as outstanding as the previous observation (2 Cs and rest are Bs instead of the previous 1A and all Bs). I dunno y, but i really enjoyed teaching today's class. mebe its becoz of the "game" i introduced to the class. its about breaking them into groups of 4 students, and each of the groups getting the same question at the same time. then all groups were to write their answers on the board. so i had abt 6 answers at one time. then i ranked according to who came first. then i marked accordingly. the first group to get the right answer, although they may come in second or third, got 3 marks. the second got 2 and the third got 1. i had instances when the group who wrote up on the board first, didnt get their marks coz of careless mistakes!

ive also done 7 out of 8 observations by my Cooperative Teachers. another one to go mebe tomorrow or next wk. my maths CT seems to be very lenient, i've got mostly Bs and a few As for the grading, so i think i should do quite fine for my overall practicum. but the most important part is not now, but when i finally embark on my teaching career, dat would mean my permanent posting. its always scary to think dat i may be posted to a school dat i may find difficulty adapting, or the stress caused by the students would overwhelm me to a level dat i may just blow up n burn out. i hope dat would not happen, insyaAllah, and for now, i can pray hard, work hard and let HIM decide the best for me...

i miss my NIE friends, Fazli, Lye Peng, Faizal, Lewin and the rest.. will be looking forward to end dis practicum so dat we can all meet up again, n mebe get a chance to drive to JB for a group makan! take care, ya all.

Not Everyday is A Sunny Day..

2005-04-05T13:17:00.000+08:00

especially when the weather is quite erratic these days. one moment the sky's raining, another moment the sun shines like nobody's business! but such temperament is trivial compared to the temperament of a teacher..

i started my day scolding my entire Sec 3 Express maths class. number 1: some of them didnt do or bring the assignment i oredi told them yesterday to bring it. number 2: one student dared to stuff her left ear wif an earphone right when i was about to start the lesson. number 3: students tend to not pay attention n make a hell lot of noise when i was explaining, and when i asked to do similar questions, they claimed they didnt know how to solve, or even approach it! so i ended my class threatening them dat if they didnt learn well, chances are they would fail tomorrow's test very badly!

i tot it was over, but NOOO, my sec 3 Normal Acad Maths class also tested my patience. some of them didnt do the homework assignment i gave them last fri. dat meant they had at least 3 days to complete only 2 qsns, I REPEAT, ONLY 2 QSNS! i started confiscating their EZ-Link cards, and made them do on the spot. i asked 2 students to present their answers so dat i could go thru their mistakes, and allow them to do corrections immediately. so those students who didnt do managed to finish their work (by copying from their friends or the solutions on the board), and handed it promptly.

wat happened next really blew my top sky high! i returned their test papers back, where the failure rate was almost 80%. one even scored a zero, but i pitied him. i think he just studied wrongly. so i was trying very hard to get the entire class's attention just to begin explaining the first part of question 1. instead, i gave a good tongue-lashing to them, so dat they would realise how weak they were. i even asked them if my explanation was too difficult to understand. theni explained dat if they were to talk while i was trying to explain, how would they understand? how would they be able to answer the questions given to them?

so i stopped scolding and began to explain. YET, there were people talking... so i told the entire class to FIND THEIR OWN ANSWERS! Since they're sooo damn smart dat they didnt have to pay any attention to the explanation. i just sat down n did my marking till the class ended. some of them approached me to confirm their answers, so there was some relief for me ah, at least some really wanted to study.

BUT, wat made my day was after dat class. i was doing a maths relief for my colleague. it was a Sec 5 graduating class, and they had assignments to complete. i couldnt care less for those who didnt want to do. to me, they're all BIG enuff to know wats best for them. but, among those lazy ones, 2 students approached me for help. they were doing an assignment on Vectors, my least favourite topic, but Heck, i just offered my help. there were a few qsns i needed to think n try by myself before i could explain to them. Wat made me feel glad, satisfied, Alhamdulillah, was dat the 2 thanked me for helping them, could really see their sincerity and appreciation in having me around to help them! Alhamdulillah, at least it does help me reaffirm believe on my purpose of teaching as a career...

sigh, wat a day, but at least some things do turn out right. i'll be having some extra classes wif the students from Sec 3 Normal Acad, who really wanted to study, they were the ones to ask me for extra classes. so i believe i'd enjoy dis one...

enuff for the day, thanx for reading my nonsense! ;)

The First Observation

2005-03-23T20:45:00.000+08:00

i never tot i'd be very nervous when the day finally arrived. i've always been the kind who would usually not feel the heat of the moment until the very last minute. so i was initially quite confident that my first observation would be fine.

thing began to turn a bit messy starting wif my lesson plan. my weakness was that i always assume that these express students would be able to catch up with the lesson easily, but i misjudged them coz they are in the last express class. i planned for a lot of stuffs within the given 2 periods. i wanted to go through their homeworks they did yesterday. then i intended to do revision on the first 2 parts of Coordinate Geometry that i've been covering for the past 2 days. then i would teach the new topic on "Gradient of a Straight Line", which actually consists of about 3 parts. finally i would want the students to attempt some questions from the textbook, hand it up to me n end the lesson by summarising the whole thing.

HOW WRONG I WAS! firstly, the professor mentioned to me that my lesson plan seemed to have a lot of things... i took that as a hint for me to "cut down" on the content, without compromising the essence of the lesson. so before the class began, i mentioned to my professor that i would not go through yesterday's homework as planned, but to push it to the end of the class if time would permit. i got a nod of approval.

i suddenly felt very nervous as i was about to start my class. i just informed the class that a professor from NIE was there to observe our class. i dunno wat went in their minds... as long as they didnt "sabo" me, that'll be fine! ;) after the customary introduction, i got very nervous. i started to fumble wif my whiteboard and OHP markers. so i started reciting the necessary and appropriate "doas" and carried on wif the lesson. Alhamdulillah, it eventually turned out very well. i managed to get the attention of the class by making them fill in the blanks in the worksheet given to them. it had better be, after i've spent such a long time and effort setting it up! i got to go around the class and help the weak students when i gave them the classwork. i also managed to stop the distractions that went around the class as i was teaching. it was irritating to see papers being passed around in class, for watever reasons i didnt want to know, dat made students laugh around while they were supposed to do seatwork! overall, i think i've done ok..

so here came the evaluation by the professor. as usual, i expected to see some Cs in the report. we are graded by A, B, C or F. therefore, it would be quite safe to at least get a C grade for any of the 6 items being observed. Alhamdulillah, i got most Bs, 2 B- and an A for the 6 items. the A grade, i think, is quite standard for all trainees, as it was meant for grading our professional attitude and appearance in class while we teach. my professor mentioned that it was fine for me just to teach 1 out of the 3 things i wanted to do, because of the time constraint, and for that matter, i was successful in meeting the objectives of the lesson. he also explained to me why i had B- grades for 2 of them, and suggested ways to improve them. he also gave tips on things that he observed but not mentioned in the official grading form.

phew, Alhamdulillah, 1 down. 1 more observation to go. may dat last one turn out well again, insyaAllah. ;)

must've been the Monday BLUES

2005-03-21T16:10:00.000+08:00

everything didnt go smoothly today. from the start, ive oredi forgotten to bring my school access card, so i wasnt able to enter the staff room without the help of another person. u see, my school's staff room can only be accessed by flashing a card on a reader on the wall. it works something like the EZ-Link card. so there i was soo handicapped..

then i also forgot to bring my pencil case, where all my whiteboard markers, calculators and stationeries are.. luckily there's a fresh source of markers in the school office that i can use first. so dat one ok..

then the school has rearranged our seating position. i have to vacate mine coz theres a bunch of contract teachers coming in, n one of them is taking my place. so somehow, fortunately or unfortunately, i didnt know i had to do relief teaching for a notorious class. it was a double-period somemore.. n it's just before my CPA lesson that i had to conduct. by the time i knew abt it, i had abt 10 mins left if i were to come in. the teacher in charge of issuing relief classes came to meet me, asked if i was aware of such arrangement. so i said i didnt receive the slip, hence i didnt know! wat happened to the class i dunno, but i saw the Discipline Master make the students from those class run around the school field. my guess was that they must've made a mischief out of the time they had. so the whole situation was blamed it on miscommunication. fortunately also dat i didnt get any scolding from the DM for not attending my relief class, coz i explained to him wat happened. he just smiled.

then, my CPA class students had to make noises while making their way to lesson. it was my mistake to expect peace n prosperity from them. for those moments of making them go in n out of comp lab, it distracted me sooo much dat i didnt manage to deliver my lesson smoothly. even my Coorperative teacher noticed it, n mentioned it to me. i apologised to him n explained the whole situation at the beginning of the lesson. well, alhamdulillah at least he smiled most of the time i was explaining. guess he could emphatise my position. ;)

now ive just finished slogging my marking.. am trying to complete my lesson plan for tomorrow, and more importantly for Wed as i need to submit it to my NIE supervisor by tomorrow before he comes over for my first observation...

too deel doo...

2005-03-20T22:45:00.000+08:00

i can't imagine the holidays r over by tomorrow. all the seven days were packed! i spent my mondays completing my assignments for submission on the same day. spent tues wif my mom at my aunt's place in JB. spent my Wed doing last minute packing foodstuffs for my sis in US. A Zillion thanks to Darling Da for helping me n family in the delivery process of the 2 packages. Luv u many many! ;) Went for my tajwid class at night, so there went my Wed.

thurs was spent the whole day wif my parents as my dad took a day leave for his blood test at SGH. went JB again wif them to look for A&W outlet but i couldnt seem to find one. we went to Angsana first. mom got herself her fav "tarzan n jane" vcd, then we headed to Giant Plentong to eat. mom liked the Rojak there. i liked it too. Da oso likes it! so i cant wait to find a time to bring her there to eat.. hmm, mebe in May, i hope! ;) then i went to get my car alignment done. found 1 nail on each of the rear tyres.. no wonder the left rear tyre had been leaking air badly! alhamdulillah all leaks patched up. almost didnt have time for zohor, but we managed to solat at masjid jamek Taman Perling. not a bad mosque after all.. mom liked the place, as long as she's comfortable, then its fine. mom's a bit particular over cleanliness, so if she finds it clean, it must be much much cleaner for me! ;) by the time we got back, i was damn tired.. almost didnt go for night class. dad said he was tired so i didnt have to go, but i think he said it just to get me rested at home. mom initially didnt want to go coz dad not going. but when she knew i would still go, she changed her mind. seeing dat all would be going, dad decided to go too! ;) so dats how thurs went.

fri was ok ok ah. after prayers, i went to collect my home cordless phone i sent for repair last tues. alhamdulillah, at least they could get it fixed coz they said they're facing parts constraint for dis model as it was oredi obsolete. then i spent the remaining afternoon changing the house curtains.. mom been asking me to do it since i dunno when! hehehe but i enjoyed the evening, coz i got to meet darling Da for late dinner! ;)

saturday was a meaningful one for me. mom invited Darling Da for exercise session wif us at East Coast. mom was more forthcoming when talking to Da. she seemed more composed n more accepting. alhamdulillah i was soo happy. mom even asked Da to sit in the front seat when we were leaving East Coast, but she politely declined! wah!! dats an improvement! Alhamdulillah all things r falling into place nicely. mom even wanted to see the houses dat me n Da plan to buy in future.. ;) dunno for wat reasons!

but saturday was a busy day for me too, tuition in late morning n early afternoon. went to Sim Lim to get a mouse for bibik Huda, n a new keyboard for Darling Da. mom suggested we sent the keyboard to Da's house after visiting bik Huda, so i was pleasantly surprised mom said dat! so dat was wat i did.. reached Da's house only at almost 11pm. so all in all, everything was great for me! i shall cherish the moments i had for the entire Saturday! ;)

so here is Sunday now, time spent shopping at NTUC n cleaning the house. at least i got to make my mom n dad happy, though it was quite a tiring week for me. but nothing is lost; mom got to get closer to Darling Da, another unexpected step closer to getting more acquainted wif one another. the best part, mom even asked if Da's mom would like to join us for the exercise last Saturday.. now dat's a BIG STEP ahead! ;)

pray for things to go smoothly for us, insyaAllah. plans for marriage seems to be on the right track. insyaAllah we plan to get married by end May 2006. sooo, lets just wait lah ah! ;)

2005-03-16T16:05:00.000+08:00

wow... must've been ages since i last blogged.. lets just say it was a challenging time for me since past 3 weeks.. coping wif adaptation to new environment in sch. i didnt know students can be sooo devilish.. wonder y when we were students things werent like dis. *sigh* but wat the heck, alhamdulillah, at least im still coping, alive n happy.. just heard a teacher trainee jumped to her death sometime last week. but it wasnt revealed in the media. dunno y. stressed ah i believe. tu lah, nak sgt become teacher..! hehehe but like wat ppl said, its a calling, n i believe its a calling for me to be one. may Allah help us all in being good honourable teachers!! ;)

went to KTM railway station wif Darling Da n friends last fri. it was so very near to my home n i didnt even know such eating places exist.. yes my readers, the railway station, besides being the singapore stop from malaysia, has turned its carpark grounds to an eating bazaar.. i like the atmosphere.. its cool, vibrant nightlife wif the dim kind of lighting somehow felt soothing. friends even smoked sheesha. me didnt want to try, coz of the tobacco thingy, better not start. Darling's friends were very fun to be with. alhamdulillah they can accept me as much as i can accept them. Special thanx to my Dearest Darling Da, for being wif me, personal thanks to Wati for inviting me, Zarina, Rai, Izwan, Ali n partner, n Nizar, for a pleasant evening together ;) mebe we can meet up again next time..!

sent 2 packages to my sister at Washington DC dis afternoon, thanx to Darling Da for the great help! Kak, pray hard dat both packages will reach u without getting stuck at US Customs k? Darling's been doing a lot of work helping to sort things out, arranging for delivery and even packing till late night yesterday. appreciate very much dearie..

i miss my dearie every day.. so sad dat things will be back to routine next wk where i can no longer hang on the phone early morning n keep u company while u go work, sayang. watever it is, i alwiz love u, miss u, be strong, another yr to go.. :)

choppy waters up ahead

2005-03-05T14:10:00.000+08:00

in life, everyone has to go thru numerous n rigorous tests... n i believe it's my time to face the test of time... a lot of factors are causing the stir.. i pray n hope dat Allah will grant us the strength to pull thru these tough times, insyaAllah.

stay strong, dear. i love u no matter wat happens..

my first time teaching since last yr..

2005-03-01T18:43:00.000+08:00

i wonder y there is such a thing as banding. in the past, especially my time, we didn't have to change classes when we attended maths, geog or language classes. now, if u're in Band 1 for maths, u go to another class taught by another teacher; the same goes if u're in band 2 or 3. hmm, quite confusing, but i think dat's the way the story goes. one benefit i see here is dat if u were to teach the band 1 students, they tend to be more attentive and studious, so less classroom management problems faced here. on the other hand, if u're teaching a band 3 class, chances dat u get out of such classes feeling nothing less than sheer utter frustration coz u didnt complete ur required objectives at the end, but also the classroom management dat drives u down to the max.

alhamdulillah for dis practicum, i was given a band 1 class for my sec 3 normal academic maths. although they're in N/A, but they're taking Maths meant for the sec express stream. the benefits for them is dat, when they take the O level paper, somehow the marks they get is converted to Normal Academic level, n by doing dat, their grades can be adjusted positively. for instance, i heard from my colleague; if a student were to get a D7 for the O level maths, the grade would be adjusted to be B4 or C5 after conversion to N level standards. dat'll definitely help them tremendously, to those who're interested to study dat means.

ok here's the verdict of my first time teaching in NTSS. it was... ok, not bad. my Coorperative Teacher (CT) gave some positive encouragements for starters. she advised me on the use of different coloured markers to indicate to the students which ones to copy into their notebooks n which ones are just for discussion purposes. and she oso mentioned dat i didnt have to die-die stick to my lesson plan n rush the work. so im allowed to pace my lessons as see fit.

i can say i wasnt satisfied wif my own performance. i knew i could do much better than dat. teaching for the first time made me have some jitters, but i hope to improve them wif time. alhamdulillah i was glad dat i received welcomed feedbacks from the students when i asked them after class. u see, while i was observing my CT teach last week, i managed to get to know some students whom i feel are the more attentive ones. one said my explanation was ok.. the other one said i was a bit too fast, but still ok. i intend to slow down the pacing and change the way i impart the info. more on dat soon..

tomorrow they're having maths test. i'll be answering the questions first to try estimate how long they'll take to finish, though i may finish faster than wat they would take. so i have to offset ah..

somehow im looking forward to teaching them again. though some of the r really a pain in the a**e, but heck, thats wat teaching is all abt!

wat can i say...

2005-02-22T23:14:00.000+08:00

when i embarked into my teaching career, never did i think i'd come back to my alma mater to teach. but here i am, for the next 2 mths or so, to make sure i pass my practicum in order to graduate from NIE!

hmm, i wouldnt want to dwell much on my culture shock as i entered the school as a teacher for the first time. wat i can say is dat, my... things really has changed a lot.. n such initial experience really makes me want to go back dearly to the school i first started to teach *wink*

but no matter, i shall take dis as a challenge to start a good teaching profile for myself, n who knows, where ever i'd be posted after practicum, the experience i 'll be having for the next 2 mths will come in handy, definitely..

more stories to come when i start to really teach. in the meantime, i've managed to make new friends, new acquaintances, n best of all, meet my old teachers n the non-teaching staffs dat have been around since the first day i started my secondary level education!

to friends n ex-colleagues of my previous sch, want u all to know, i miss ur company, things r just not the same in dis sch, but i'll try to make the best out of it! ;)

Calo..

It's been a long time...

2005-02-14T18:48:00.000+08:00

since i fell sick wif fever at 38.2 degrees Celsius. I was "bedridden" for the entire afternoon n a portion of the evening yesterday. I was oredi having some sore throat and discomfort before i played soccer in the late morning. I think the soaring heat from the noon sun as we continued playing till 12.40pm made it much worse. by then i felt my head heavy like "batu besar ada duduk...!" hehehe but i still need to drive home. by the time i was in the shower at home, i was wishing i was in bed oredi.

i tot my high body temperature was just as a result of the heat i absorbed while playing soccer, but when i saw the persistently high reading after my shower, i knew i was falling ill. the usual chill feeling u get when u have fever soon started creeping into my weak muscles and aching body. i closed the room door, switched on my trusted wall fan, n closed the windows, leaving a small gap on the top louvres.

the next thing i knew i was oredi in dreamland. when i woke up, i checked my temperature to find it had oredi dropped. however the muscle was still aching. i was dead worried for my uncompleted assignments that i intended to do but just didn't have the energy to. so i had to depend on tomorrow to do them.

i was quite prepared to face my tutor in NIE n inform him that i couldnt finish the work, n would require to pospone my dateline to tuesday. well, fortunately or not, i got an MC from the Doc. he initially wanted to give me a 2 day-mc, but i was thinking it'd be better for my personal record in MOE to state i would only have 1 day MC instead of 2! anyway, there'll be no class on tues, i'd be in sch to submit my assignments, and to try complete part of my Maths assignment due dis Fri..!

back to work. a thousand apologies for the "Missing In Action" period, been quite busy... not just wif my fiancee, but oso wif my parents n tuition. sigh, im yet to receive 2 of my tuition pay which are oredi 2 sessions overdue. wat to do... ;)

A Special Tribute...

2005-02-02T12:50:00.000+08:00

To my Kak Tanti...

I'm very happy to have established communications wif u. hope dis small step taken by both of us will spark the beginning of long distance communications for all of us.

Do read up on my past entries, k? u have a lot of catching up to do on the "exciting life" of ur bro *wink*

SMMT over!!!

2005-02-02T12:42:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah me n Faizal, my fellow NIE colleague, the only 2 left in our class to have to take the Maths Mastery Test for the 3rd attempt, finally cleared. It was a "life n death" situation for us coz if we didnt clear, we wouldnt be able to graduate with the rest of our friends in July. worse, we would still be earning a teacher-trainee pay as opposed to full-trained teacher pay. how much difference the pay is, we're still bewildered. some say it'll be as much as 1 increment pay. but as far as ive read, it'll just be half increment. hmmm... watever it is, alhamdulillah now its one load off our heads!

now im having soo much free time in school. n its hard to believe dat i dont have to step into NIE for the whole of next week, no class on monday n tues, Chinese New Year hols on Wed n Thurs, n oso no class on Fri!!! yeeeaaaaa! but all good things must come to an end, as my practicuum is nearing very very soon.

so must start assignments asap if i want to enjoy my 1-wk "Public Holiday"! someone please kick me in the butt if i still havent started anything by dis saturday!

2005-01-23T18:32:00.001+08:00

"Bakal Besan" means future inlaws ;)

2005-01-23T18:32:00.000+08:00

Fiance n Fiancee :)

2005-01-23T18:31:00.001+08:00

Darling Da "salam" my mom's hand

2005-01-23T18:31:00.000+08:00

Me mom putting the ring on Darling Da's delicate fingers

Alhamdulillah.. first obstacle overcome..

2005-01-23T18:07:00.000+08:00

alhamdulillah, we reached Darling Da's place at close to 3.30pm. dad started the conversation soon after we've sat down with all of them. wats for sure is dat both sides have accepted the bonding tie that would be materialised. "hantaran" and dates were roughly mentioned, the former oredi finalised btw me n Da, while the latter to be discussed further. my parents did mentioned the earliest to be June 2006, latest 6 mths later. but i reckon dat if i can show some form of confidence dat i'll have a certain amt of money by Nov, we should be carrying on wif our plans by dis Dec 2005 insyaAllah..

Da's parents were very welcoming. i could see both my parents were at ease, knowing dat they have the same objectives as to the outcome of dis meeting. parents had their share of talks before mom n dad moved on to the grand finale...

my mom slipped the ring on Da's finger after she was called to the hall n taken a seat. mom kissed Da's forehead n cheeks, Da kissed her hand. i could feel mom's happiness in having to see her future daughter-in-law. later i confirmed wif Da something i overheard my mom tell her. mom said, "from now on, adress cik as Mak" :) my heart felt touched, all my past grieves n misunderstanding wif mom suddenly felt disappeared. I thank Allah for answering to my prayers, dat mom would accept Da as her own daughter.

May Allah bless our gathering and the ties that both families have bonded together from today, insyaAllah. Thanks ya all for the tremendous support dat u all have given since those hard times! personal thanks to Fadly, Khai and Hafizah n my dearest cousin, Masrina. thank ya all once again!

Alhamdulillah... it went smoothly!

2005-01-23T13:19:00.000+08:00

my aunts like Darling Da, to the extent one of my aunties actually waited for Da to come out from taking ablutions, to salam her before my auntie left! :)

Mom n dad can be seen looking happy to have met Da. mom asked how i really got to know her, if Da likes our house, , n mom suggested plans of me renovating the other room in my house should i decide to stay wif them. n then came the suggestion of getting IKEA furnishing for dat room.. n i think dad likes Da's attractive eyebrows! but as usual, dad doesnt say much, he's been keeping things to himself. but i can see they like Da, n alhamdulillah things r going smoothly. being dad, he just gave a short but meaningful advice: "as long as u heed mom n dad's advice, insyaAllah things will go smoothly from there n u'll get married in no time".

its unfortunate dat mom n dad contracted a bad flu since few days ago. having taken their medicines, they didnt get the amount of rest they should yesterday coz we accompanied wak satinah to Segamat, Johor, to finalise the details of my cousin's marriage to be held insyaAllah dis coming late May or early June. so now, mom n dad are resting, sleeping for a while. its fated dat they have to be sick when we would be heading to Darling Da's house later today to pass her the ring. probably i have to tell Da dat we'll be slightly late, probably after Asar..

hmm, having butterflies in my stomach soon i guess, much more when we reach there :) Pray for us, n wish us luck ;)

2005-01-23T12:44:00.000+08:00

Ahem... nice? ;)

2005-01-23T12:43:00.000+08:00

Cousin Masrina n Darling Da in my room... apelah Ina, sleepy ah?

2005-01-23T12:42:00.000+08:00

but my Darling Da will alwiz be the main attraction of the day :)

2005-01-23T12:41:00.000+08:00

Masrina, my cousin, the centre of attraction..

updates...

2005-01-19T13:50:00.000+08:00

mom talked to Darling Da, n the next thing i know, she asked me out on Sunday to get the much awaited ring.. :) she was trying to get me buy a gold one from Golden Chance in Geylang, but i managed to bring her to SK to get the ONE.. *wink* quite sad though that we missed out on the "while stocks last" offer, or we would've gotten a much higher carat, but i hope my Darling Da is not upset over it, kan Da cayang? ;)

i was awaken by mom's voice on monday morning, to ask if i would be free dat night, coz she wanted to come over Da's house for the thingy. i was too sleepy to think dat Da wouldnt be able to make it coz she'd be attending her night classes. I was having tuition anyway... mom was thinking if we could get over before Fri, we could invite their family for Raye gathering at my place *wink-wink*!

i persuaded mom to let Da come over on dat day, without her family tagging coz like my dad said, it wouldnt be a nice feeling for their family as we haven't got over there yet. means there is still no official link or connection between us yet. old ppl would understand more of dis situation.. i just couldnt understand why mom wasnt sensitive to such feelings...

i emphatise mom over dis. i could see she was at a lost as to what to react to the present situation. at one hand, she knows im old enuff to find a partner and start a family soon. at the same time she's very very concerned that im not financially ready to commit, although i've given her a rough idea of how much i'd be able to save for marriage. wat most ppl see is dat the underlying concern of hers is dat she's too afraid to let me go. she has lost a daughter. i guess she was sooo afraid dat i would be no longer for her n dad anymore once im married, n dat Da would stop me from taking care of my parents. i was even surprised dat when mom talked to Da dat night, she mentioned dat if mom n dad were to visit Wak Satinah at JB, she wanted Da to understand dat i have to be there to drive them, even after marriage. from one perspective, the request seemed very small n petty. but when u look at my mom's perspective, she's soooo afraid dat as a son, i wouldnt do even such a thing. but it is true, like mom said, there r wives who do dat to their husband's family. but like i told mom, just becoz it happens to other family doesnt mean it'll happen to me.

the phone conversation was overall, alhamdulillah. the pleasant surprise was dat although mom was against us dating out, she even gave a chance for us all to go out together by offering to pick da up from her house if mom were to invite da to follow us to jb :) or to wherever for dat matter. hmm, mebe in future months, me n da may invite me parents out for meals at Sakura Thai, Swensons or even Samar Cafe? hehehe we'll see ;)

with all dis big hoo haa of my mom's restrictions and conditions to fulfill, Alhamdulillah, things still turned out quite well. Da has been an understanding, tolerant, accommodative n insyaAllah solehah person, it was wonderful to have met such a person whom i can be a friend with, wat more to be my future wife. me n Da agreed to my mom's request to have the wedding insyaAllah only in June 2006. she also agreed to my mom's specific requests dat she's mentioned in the short phone conversation. i deeply appreciate the kind understanding dat Da's been expressing, n i really appreciate the understanding and support dat she's been giving me for the recent emotional days i went thru. those days were soo bad, i wouldnt want to be in such situation anymore. Thanks Da Cayang, i promise to alwiz be wif u insyaAllah *muuacks*

im anticipating wif great eagerness for Fri to come. insyaAllah i hope it'll turn to be a pleasant n meaningful one. it'll be the first time for Darling Da to meet up wif my extended paternal families, n wat better way for it to happen other than to be on one of the 2 Hari Rayas :)

Pray for us, ppl... pray dat may Allah bless us in our journey to blissful marriage, n may Allah give us the strength to go thru it n stand strong against the waves of life :)

things r getting more exciting...

2005-01-15T09:43:00.000+08:00

mom's been talking abt specific details abt our relationship n where it's heading... wat it'll be? i'll keep it posted. in the meantime, enjoy the cliffhanger: mom's going to talk to Darling Da personally on the phone to list out her "conditions", n see if Da agrees, before she says go!... :)

good luck to both of us... :)

Dont make prejudiced decisions until the evidence speaks for themselves...

2005-01-11T23:05:00.000+08:00

its abt dis wk's CSI. i pity the robber who got beaten up by the murdered child's father, for a murder he didnt commit. but heck, life is complicated.. :)

still waiting for mom to say something, n i really hope its forthcoming. everyone is feeling the strain oredi... n dat doesn't exclude me!

Alhamdulillah, finally...

2005-01-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

mom said the "when" word. she asked me if Da knew the details of her wish to have the wedding only in June 2006, instead of Dec 2005. before dat, let me give the details of wat happened from morning till evening.

was walking wif mom to car dis morning as i was sending her to mosque. wont be fetching her back coz i was to have my 4PM Volunteer Appreciation Tea at Hotel Park Royal. Guest of Honour was Assoc/Prof Yaakob Ibrahim. mom asked if there was any signs. i told her i didnt but Da had. then she gave me her thoughts. she wanted me to have the marriage only in June 2006. she carried on somemore dat i couldnt remember, but the most significant part was in the car when she oredi accused me of not contributing my pay to her without even asking if i would! i naturally raised my voice, blaring at her dat its not even pay day yet, n mom didnt even ask me if i would give her any. i blurted to her dat i've oredi budgeted dat for her. she didnt sound convinced n said how much would i save then if i were to give her? she even exclaimed dat id be really crazy to have the marriage at the end of dis yr coz she die die believe i wont have the money. i asked her if she were to think id be soo bad a son not to think of her. she said she had considered me not a good son anymore, since the time i defied her wish n started a relationship wif first my ex, then my ex-colleague(when we didnt even start anything) n now Da. mothers, in a fury, would blurt abt almost anything and everything, accusing everybody of being soo evil n bad, while she's the only angel! she mentioned she quitted her job oso becoz i didnt fetch her anymore when i started teaching at Yuying. she said i didnt pity her to fetch her when she's soo tired from working, n since she's facing stress at work n at home, she might as well resign. i remained silent, coz i know watever i said wont count. by then, cik som oredi boarding the car. mom only said the last words as she alighted in front of the mosque. she asked me to think abt it. i told her, its her wish, up to her, i dont have anything to say.

met Da in the afternoon, n told her abt wat happened. we oredi discussed over it last night. i knew i've made her feel sooo sad n bad. it came to a point dat i felt exactly like i was 1 yr ago, when i was soo torn btw the 2 sides dat i decided leave both. Alhamdulillah Da was very accommodative, n willing to wait up till next yr as long as i'll still be wif her, n by her side. i decided to make it a point to visit Da at home every weekend as long as i'm free, n spend more time wif her.

so when Da found out the details dis afternoon, Alhamdulillah she was ok. im sad she had to cry buckets last night, hence i guess she should've felt quite numb just now. we agreed to look on the bright side n plan far, to also include plans for our new house, so dat we could move into OUR OWN house insyaAllah by the time we get married.

later dis evening, mom asked if i've oredi told Da the details. i replied wif a yes, n she asked if her side would be ok. i just told her "should be ah". then she asked when her side wanted us to come over. i told mom, "they're not giving us any dates for us to come over, they're waiting for u, mom..." our talk ended there. we'll see if there'll be any updates..

to my Darling Da: thanx dear, for sounding soo happy when i told u abt it dis evening. thanx for willing to accommodate wif watever conditions thrown at us. i'll continue praying dat Allah will help us in all the things we do, insyaAllah. :)

Now i remember (Revised)

2005-01-08T22:49:00.000+08:00

clearly mom's not convinced i'd be financially ready by dec 2005. got word from dad dis afternoon dat mom wants the wedding to be held in june 2006. news came like a double edged sword. on one hand, i'm quite sure she's ok abt me wif Da. on the other, i hate it coz she's just soooo difficult to be convinced. so frustrated dat mom still has to rule the world on dis one. but im just a son, the last remaining child of hers... but she's driving me crazy..

mom has always been the more vocal, my dad being the passive one not supporting any sides, or at most, support my mom ah. like ive told my friends before, if dad has to share the same house, wat more the same bed every day, how can he not support her ideas? i oso think my dads not convinced as well.

i know, im a stubborn, unappreciative child. ppl say u wont appreciate ur own mom until they're no longer alive. true to the bone, but at dis moment, i just wish dat my mom wont be sooo difficult...

Why ah? :)

2005-01-08T11:42:00.000+08:00

i've heard some ppl say dat when u pray "solat istikharah", u may not get the dream or the outcome. instead, someone else, someone close to u or someone u know would get the dream....

Darling Da dreamt of us for the past 2 consecutive nights. the first night, she dreamt of us attending to one of my friends' wedding. we were oredi holding hands. the significant point here is dat, we did it in front of her family n relatives who were also there. here's my intepretation. firstly, since her family's there, it must be a wedding whom i both Da n I know the families. wat more closer to dis than Nadia's n Fazli's Wedding?! since Nadia is her close relative, n Fazli's my good friend... secondly, the status of me n Darling Da in the dream seemed to be of a married couple. it'll stand true if everything goes to plan dat me n Da gets married before Nadia n Fazli.

second dream: Da was wif me. it doesnt sound significant if we were to just think anyone can dream of being wif their loved ones. the important factor is dat she was wearing her lace wedding "kurung". there wasnt much details, but the only detail given seemed to be very crucial.

im still praying for my own "dream"... but i'll bring dis up to mom if she ever asks me again. hmm, wonder how her reaction will be :)

2005-01-07T18:47:00.000+08:00

body wasnt feeling well yesterday. slept the entire afternoon, oso took panadol before sleeping at night. dunno y, mebe i fasted for the day but didnt drink enuff fluid the day before.

mom asked me last night at 2345. she wanted to know if there was any outcome to the istikharah. i told her there still wasnt any, but had a vague one, like an image of Da in my house. then mom asked to check out wif ustaz Azman wat would be the best next step to take. i told her abt the kind of sign ppl get, dat signs come not only in a form of dream, but like actions, and environment, and feelings abt the whole situation. n i told my mom i'd keep praying till i get something ah..

as i was walking twds my room, she asked me for my next step. then the conversation resumed.. i told her the ball is in her court now, i let her decide wat to do next ah. to put it short, mom's worried dat i may not have enuff money by the time i get married dis yr end. i tried to convince her wif watever plans i've made. alhamdulillah watever qsns she popped up, i managed to counter her confidently, reassuringly and gently, without the need to break into any misunderstanding. oso in her mind was the "dulang2" thingy, the gifts dat come wif marriage. she suggested a songket, something quite expensive but traditional and lasting. i told mom Da oredi got herself a pair of lace kurung, the muslimah kind. for dis part, i sensed mom was worried i had to spend lotsa money on dis, but i reassured mom, if we can get a pair of ladies shoes for abt $150, then why go for a $300 one? in other words, y go for a 6-star item when we can be contented wif a 4-star one?

mom revealed she planned to come over Da's side, if i got my dream, or if she feels fine wif it, to pass a ring to Da, as a sign of us being serious abt marrying Da. its not an engagement, but more like a mini one. then i told mom we oredi budgeted for it. i went to the extend of encouraging her to ask her friends or anyone she knows to ask how much their children spent on marriage preps, if the info i convey to her was not convincing enuff. :) it seems she lost out on dis one coz i dont think she has any friends whose children just got married ;).

overall, alhamdulillah im glad the conversation was a peaceful and constructive one. i believe i've won more points than mom. before i went into my room, i parted off wif reiterating dat the ball's in her court now, n while i keep praying, its up to her to decide wat to do at the moment. Allah's blessing depends on parents blessings, so i told her i'd not move on till she gives the green light.

we'll see how it'll be in the days to come...

to Da, remain as strong as u have been. i can sense ur frustration in ur recent blog entry, but alhamdulillah im glad u've been there wif me. :) stay cool, sayang! *muuacks*

Be Strong, Sayang....

2005-01-05T14:31:00.000+08:00

i know it can be frustrating to play the waiting game, but i have faith that the answer is coming. Allah will not test His servant something which the servant cannot carry. don't worry, u'll be the first to know of my "dream" even if i have to call u in the middle of the night! ;)

Pray for me, k Sayang... n to all readers, pray for us too! thanx :)

Alhamdulillah, Yeaaaa.....!

2005-01-04T18:25:00.000+08:00

Yea No. 1: Darling Da finally renewed her Provisional Driving Licence (PDL). should resume her long-due lessons very soon! i pray to Allah may He bless her wif wealth and health so dat she'll be able to complete her lessons and pass her driving practical test before her final theory expires. it'll also be exciting if insyaAllah she'll be able to drive her parents while i drive mine to meet up at Decorama to finalise wif deco! :)

Yea No. 2: finally got myself a pair of Giodano jeans, after jean-less for a few yrs now. just didnt get the right cutting, or should i say, didnt have anyone to accompany me to get one! ;) salesperson asked me to wash it first coz it'll naturally shrink a bit. then it can be sent to any Giodano outlet along wif the receipt to get it altered for free. hmm, how am i gonna wash it at home without making my mom furious dat im spending when im supposed to be saving?? ;)

Thanks Da for the time today, i've had a great time being wif u, and a great thanks for tolerating my occasional, or should i say, frequent crapping from me thruout the time! *wink*

Day 1, 2nd Sem PGDE

2005-01-03T20:33:00.000+08:00

i could feel the atmosphere when i reached school; it felt like everyone's excited to meet one another, to catch up wif things, n to embark on new activities. the same went for my friends, since we began the only lesson of the day, i felt glad to meet my fellow colleagues, n to chat up wif them. all had smiles on their faces.

however, i didnt have the time to sit down for a cup of tea n chat up wif the rest of them. particularly my guy friends, Fazli, Faizal, Lye Peng, Lewin and Mahathir, i hope to be able to meet them for a drink dis Wed afternoon. n we had some early plans to play soccer after class dis wed since we'll be finishing by 3.30pm.

oredi i've been bombarded by qsns pertaining to the pics Lye Peng saw in my blog, and the wallpaper pic on my hp. n i guess i should be ready for more "bombardment" these few days! ;) but im glad im being asked. to me, it shows their concern n interest in being my buddies.

oh ya, went out wif Darling Da to survey Solitaire rings from the many reputable jewellery shops in Tampines Mall. for the first time, i discovered abt the different carats of diamonds. and for the first time, i understand the various differences of 0.11 to 0.34 carats. also the way the diamond is cut determines how the shine will be. some even has the "rainbow" effect. Darling Da fell in love wif one at the last shop we dropped by. although we went around the same shop looking for other types of diamond rings, she ended up putting on dat ring dat caught her eyes the first time she saw it. i could see the happiness in her cute sweety face as she tried it on. i oso like the one she chose. its very very nice, n it looked perfect on her finger. but as usual, being a guy, i had no preference, as long as my Darling Da is happy wif her selection, im oso happy wif it.

we couldnt buy the ring yet, coz i have to wait for dat "dream" before i can inform my mom n proceed wif the next step... dad told me to wait for mom's further instruction before buying one, although she may not want to follow when i get one ;)

more abt updates..

2005-01-02T13:55:00.000+08:00

me parents n i were at IMM yesterday afternoon to get booster antenna when we passed by some furniture shops displaying bedroom set. one set caught my eye, it as very wooden concept, dat came wif a sidetable. cost abt $988. wat caught my attention more was the wooden sliding-door wardrobe designed similar to the bed n the sidetable. as usual, the $988 price tag did not include the wardrobe, giving the illusion of a cheap package. then my dad mentioned his time to get such stuffs is over, its my time instead. my mom added saying its up to me wat to get wif the "hantaran" money i'll give Da insyaAllah. i told mom she oredi got those stuffs, so not to worry ah :)

later at night, mom insisted i should only get the sign from Allah thru dream. she said only when dat happen then i can proceed. i believe Allah would give signs not just by dream but by feelings n things dat happen around us. but wat can i say, Allah's blessing depends on parents blessings, so i pray Allah will give me the sign thru dat medium ah ;).

i asked my dad dis morning for any latest updates on wat my mom commented on the thingy. found out my mom was considering to give her a ring if things go thru. i told dad we've oredi planned n budgeted for dat. oso found out mom consulted Wak Satinah. dis time i appreciated my aunt's contribution. she told mom to let me carry on wif it, afterall, age is catching up on me, n its time i start something.. ;)

mom's biggest worry is dat she's afraid i wont be giving her money when i start saving for marriage. i assured my dad i've oredi budgeted my contribution to mom on top of my savings, n i'll still carry on paying her CPF for the study loan so dat she doesnt have to worry abt her contribution on house paying..

Alhamdulillah, all seems to go smoothly. may Allah bless us all, insyaAllah.

so wats next?

2004-12-31T22:20:00.000+08:00

mom asked me to solat istiharah to confirm my choice. personally i solat istiharah to ask Allah to show me the right path from now on, n solat hajat to ask Allah to open my mom's heart so dat she'll be able to accept Darling Da as she is n give her fullest blessing of our relationship.

i was dressed in my newly-bought G2000 black trousers n black G2000 long-sleeved shirt given by Darling Da. as i looked at myself in the mirror, i was like "Whoa..." to the extent dat when my mom was at a biscuit shop, she tot the person standing next to her was another customer, coz she went there first, i followed later to provide her umbrella. hmmm... i intend to slowly change my wardrobe to such clothings, a mixture of short n long sleeve ones. but cant buy everything at one go ah.. mebe 1 trousers a mth mebe.. rest of the money for my marriage preps :)

mom had the cheeck to tease me while in the car. as she stepped into it in the morning, she commented how smart i was. she was going "waaah, so smart ah? going where eh? like want to go see mother in law ah!" hmmm i took dat as a positive start to a new beginning. but then i asked dad if mom said anything last night. she asked dad to solat istiharah too, n she was worried if i would have saved enuff money for marriage by then.

frankly, money will never be enuff when it comes to saving.. all i can do is to save up enuff for wedding n all, then start saving again for a new family of me n Darling Da. mebe a few yrs later, a new member of the family? ;)

hmm.. we'll see eh.

Alhamdulillah it went well...

2004-12-30T19:43:00.000+08:00

broke the news to my mom while on the way to fetch my dad from work. we were from Hjh Maimunah eating place. i felt like having numerous butterflies in my stomach. my heart was saying the words, but my mouth didnt move a single bit. finally i gathered all the courage n told her abt my Darling Da when we were nearing the bukit merah AYE exit.

first response from her was, "is she single?". then came "would u have the money by then?". next were "is she Javanese? where is she staying? how many siblings does she have? how old is her mother?...."

i believe Allah has helped me pave my way for the future. Mom asked me to solat istiharah, n if she's the one, then we'll "masuk minang". i asked mom, "dont u want to meet her first if my prayers turn out true?" she said ok.

Alhamdulillah, i thank Allah Almighty for allowing me to convey my thoughts n intention to my mom without any misunderstanding n arguments. may Allah help me n Darling Da go thru dis crucial moments as we work towards marriage InsyaAllah.

the secret's out... at least to my dad

2004-12-29T18:54:00.000+08:00

i finally told my dad while fetching him from work dis evening. i asked.

me: "ayah, did mom ask abt huda?"

dad: "mom asked if the pic she saw on the pc screen dat day was hers."

me: "when was dat? few days ago?"

dad: "i think so ah."

me: "ayah, u think mom's ready to be introduced to her?"

dad: "u serious wif huda?"

me: "ya, we actually started planning far, so i tot before we move on further it'll be good to intro her to mom."

dad: "u have to properly introduce mom to huda. tell her u like her, n u want mom to see her first.... to ayah, i have no objection. its u who's getting married to huda, not me. there's no point if i like but u dont like, or u like but i dont like. as long as u know she's the right one for u, im ok wif it."

me:" ya dats y im planning on dis introduction."

our conversation stopped there as we reached the house door. will see wat will happen after my parents come back from visiting my ex-gf's house to see her parents going to Mecca dis yr. ya, mom wanted to still go becoz she felt indebted over the monetary contribution they gave when my parents went to Mecca last 2 yrs ago, n oso when they visited my dad in the hospital last may. sigh... hope for the best. i cant bring myself to seeing them, coz i felt ashamed, for giving them so much hope in me marrying their daughter, only to have dat hope crash down n break to pieces... i wish my parents the best in meeting them. hope nothing was discussed abt me n my ex when they were in the house later.

for me, i'll hang around at Bik Odah's place, n wait for their call to fetch them back.

mom apologised...

2004-12-24T16:17:00.000+08:00

she touched my arm n said, "mie, mak mintak maaf kalau mak offend kau". we were driving to woodlands to help my mom's best friend, cik som, wif her sis's daughter's wedding. i was supposed to drive the bride to ROMM but apparently an uncle of hers had driven her there. its fated by Allah we didnt drive her coz we helped cik som carry the ordered food from the cook's house to the bride's place.

when my mom apologised, i was still mad. i just replied, "its ok". then she said she was sorry for being over-concerned. then watever she said then on i didnt catch, coz i knew she would say something dat might hurt me more. biasalah, mom usually has the last words, though they may apologise but they still want their opinion heard n put to stand.

now dat its been abt 2 days since the apology, n after listening to my darling Da, i do feel a bit sad for my mom. here she is trying to be the best mother for me, n we had to go thru dis misunderstanding. hmm, anger n syaitan's persuasion has got the better of my logic reasoning i guess. i pray to Allah so dat He could grant me patience n perseverence so dat me n Darling Da will be able to go thru dis wif full blessing from both parents, insyaAllah.

in the meantime, planning is still going on. hmm, mebe later when i meet my Darling Da we can come out wif some foundation to the plans?

see ya later, Da. *muuacks*

hmmm...

2004-12-23T13:56:00.000+08:00

today is relek day.. no agenda in particular except for Ustaz Fahrurazi class later tonight. i can't wait to start school.. so dat my schedule will be bz again. n i dont have to stay home dat often! ;) n at least i'll get to see my darling da at least once a wk oso..

enjoy ur day today folks..

2004-12-22T11:14:00.000+08:00

My sis, Sulastri n Leo McCormick. the younger daughter is Saemah Bethany McCormick. on the right is Kartika Stephanie McCormick. Pic passed to us in 2000.

about a mom...

2004-12-22T10:02:00.000+08:00

i feel dat my mom's different from other moms.. when other moms are soo excited for their 26 yr old son to introduce their girlfriends to them, my mom wishes i wont get attached as long as i dont have money for marriage. she always says she'll oso "ada saham" if she lets me date girls out, u know, she assumes i'll do the things normal couple do. ya i do admit it has become part of relationships, things like holding hands have become the norm. but its sooo very impossible to think dat i'll look for one when i have the money. i mean money will never be enuff. n i dont believe in pushing fate away, kalau dah jodoh takkan nak tolak kan? i'd sound very desperate to be trying to find someone only when i have the money, then the whole courtship process wont be natural. imagine, i have money by end 2006, i'll be 28 yrs old, n i'll start looking for my potential partner. n becoz of age catching up, i'd tend to rush into knowing my potential, n dangerously rushing into marriage without knowing my future partner well... I DONT WANT DAT!!

moreover, i believe Allah has laid for me the right path i should follow. n afterall i dont want to repeat the mistakes ppl do, like i did wif my ex. i mean, i realised a relationship shouldnt be left continuing for soo long without any form of commitment, like engagement, n ultimately marriage. i know how it feels after being in a 5 yr old relationship n not getting anywhere. its soo frustrating for both sides. eventually i called the shots n split up due to circumstances.

n there's my sister's factor. my sis left the house in 1995 when she was 22 yrs old. she decided to leave after soo much arguments n misunderstandings wif my mom. n she really defied all logics of a muslim.. she opted for a civil marriage to a US navy officer, n started a family of her own. there was a brief contact between her and my family. n at dat time, she oredi had 2 young sweet daughters. I'm an UNCLE! hehehe but things turned sour when i told her to consult my mom first before deciding to try for a third child. since then she never reestablished contact. now i didnt know where she is. the last known location was at Hawaii.

i think, my mom felt she's lost a daughter. n i believe she doesnt want to lose another child. she has always said i'm her only hope. but i think if she were to carry on wif her ideologies, then im afraid she'll lose her son one way or another.

but dont worry, i wont leave her like my sister did.. i'll do it the marriage way *wink*

So much for surprises..

2004-12-21T19:03:00.000+08:00

finally mom has shown her true colours, n dat means she still hasnt changed her mindset, never ever in her lifetime i guess. sorry folks, there'll be no pleasant surprises abt me telling my mom abt my darling Da.

i fetched my dad wif Da yesterday coz i wouldnt have time to send her home n fetch my dad at the same time. Dad looked neutral when he saw the only passenger.. his colleague smiled.. both were happy to see Da, i know. but wat i didnt know was dat my mom was unhappy abt it. i trust my dad didnt tell her but when i reached home, she kinda attacked me wif words saying "sape tumpang kereta kau?" i brushed it aside n said it was a friend. n she blurted the same words, "jgn ade kawan mie, kau blm cukup duit.." i left both my parents alone n returned to my past solitude life at home..

it was pleasant to have my dad asking abt Da Darling while we were heading towards the car dis morning as i sent him to work. got to tell him where she's working n wat she does. conversation was discontinued as i went up the multi-storey car park to get the car myself. hmm, typical dad, will just ask the necessary n short qsns... hmm, im prepared for more of his qsns some other time..

i kept myself occupied cleaning the my entire room.. i have not been able to see the top of my study table, even the floor tiles too.. ive been throwing anything and everything on the floor n the study table top ever since raye started. then mom had to ask again... dis time she claimed it was intuition from Allah dat told her i was dating, dat she didnt even have to ask dad for info. i was disgusted, does she have to brag over her mother's premunition thingy? does dat make her such a pious person? it made me understand further why my sister left the house n ran away 9 yrs ago. i know i cant do dat, wat a "anak derhaka" i'll be. so i decided to shut my hearing n went on wif my spring cleaning. didnt even have time to rest, coz i didnt have the mood to. i ate just for the sake of eating.

but one thing for sure, all plans have to be changed. n i cant wait to implement them. details cant be revealed yet coz its not been finalised. but i'll definitely carry it out.

i pity my Darling Da, for having to go thru dis. i tot after my ex-girlfriend episode wif my mom, history wont repeat. i was truly wrong.. i think my dad's totally wrong abt the positive changes in my mom. IM SORRY, DA... SORRY DAT U HAVE TO GO THRU DIS WIF ME, but i promise i wont let my mom do anything to u, or to us dat will separate us. insyaAllah, we'll get thru dis by end of 2005.

in the meantime, its back to the planning stages.. hope to be able to settle things more or less by end dis week.

OH YAA...

2004-12-19T23:41:00.000+08:00

check out my new pic wif my darling Da.. took it dis afternoon... i think we looked great!! any comments? *wink*

Alhamdulillah.... it was a wonderful day!!

2004-12-19T22:54:00.000+08:00

i became kind of a centrestage for my darling DaDa when i attended her cousin's wedding invitation. Da comes from a typical Javanese family where ur aunts or uncles can be as as young as her age.. so u'll get to met lotsa ppl from the extended families.. n i got to meet up wif not just her family but her extended grandparents n granduncles... one relative of hers, the mother of my colleague's future fiancee, even told me "harap2 kita jadi sedara!" WOW, imagine dat!! i was delighted beyond words! n the person here who got married here isnt actually her cousin, it was her mother's distant relative in writing but close relative in real life. n in fact, they're easily associated as cousins ajelah.. hehehe i myself got confused wif the connections, but i promise myself to really get it right by the time i marry my Da. *wink*

it was really exciting for me coz for almost every person my darling met, n it was mostly senior ladies the age of our aunts n grandmothers, they'd say, "Da, is dat ur new friend? Alhamdulillah!!" n ended the conversation wif whispers n wide smiles. thruout the time, i just feel rightly comfortable at home.. n got smiles all over the ppl i met.. n it was soo welcoming, i just cant wait to break the wonderful news of my own wedding plans to my parents!

my Da n i have been talking abt wedding preparations lately, n our daily conversation would never be complete if words abt marriage n future plans were not mentioned. like i've told Hazrul n Nora last night, dis time i get attached to work for marriage asap.. n i believe im the last person in my circle of unmarried but attached friends to be attached, but the first, insyaAllah, to get married! *wink*

im waiting for jan to start when i'd proceed to giving tuitions to the ppl who have oredi requested for me. insyaAllah i'll be having at least 4 but up to 6 tutees for the rest of the year.. n dat'll mean i'll earn quite a substantial lot insyaAllah every month, n i plan to set my tuition money all aside for my marriage savings. im aware dat it seems too rushing, but i want to fulfill my ultimate wish to settle down n start a family. Da's willing to spend the first few months of marriage life at my place, sacrificing her time n distance to be wif me. u see, she stays at Bedok Reservoir, n she works at Eunos area, which was about 20 mins bus journey from her house, but she's willing to give dat all up, to be wif me :) THANKS DEAR!

im oso going to send a letter to MOE n NIE requesting posting to the same school i taught in the early part of dis yr. at least i would be able to send her to her house first every weekday morning before i head to my sch. then i'd be able to leave sch to fetch her home in the late afternoon.. :) u all pray for me k? *wink*

oh, to end, let me share something funny at home just now. i was helping another best friend of mine register his future fiancee's passport. so i had to load her pic into the website. n i had to adjust the size accordingly therefore her pic was occupying my entire screen. suddenly, my mom came from behind as she was hanging some ironed clothes, n surprised me from the back, enquiring whose pic it was...

me: "MAK!, she's Khairul's future fiancee, im just registering her passport on his behalf!"

mom: "did she know u're using her pic?"

me: "of course ah!!"

mom: "ahhh, i tot she's ur new girlfriend!"

me: "!!!!"

hehehe i believe she's opening up to possibilities of me getting attached.. hmm, breaking the news soon i guess?? hmm, will go wif the flow.. *wink*

AHAKS!!

2004-12-15T16:44:00.000+08:00

it's nice to know there r ppl looking forward to reading ur written material, especially when it comes from someone ordinary! :) so here it is..

i've just got back from a 3-day holiday to Melaka. it was my first trip there, n it was soo last minute by my parents coz i woke up on sunday morning to my mother's voice asking if i would like to go Melaka dat day.. i was like WAT??? i tot we planned to go on MONDAY? n she had to ask me when i just woken up.. n im not in the mood for decision making whenever i just got up, so i hope my deary other half would know when not to ask me abt crucial decision making! *wink* Caaayyaang Da!

oh ok.. back to my story, so it was decided, we left singapore at abt 4pm after my parents went to 2 wedding invitations. we dropped by at my aunts place to pick my cousin up. his dad passed away while he's still a baby, his mom not too healthy to go n has to take care of the house, his siblings all much older than him, 3 out of 4 oredi married n he's just 15 yrs old. so we tagged him along.

the best part was dat we hadn't booked any hotel rooms.. like wat malays would say, "main terjun botol". i soon found out dat my mom wanted to go on Sunday coz my "bruneian" uncle had oredi reached there, n i know he's not good at driving around. his sense of direction had somehow deteriorated, n his eldest son, oso 15 yrs old, can't be depended on directions. only his wife's quite ok wif directions. so here i was heading to Melaka, meeting them up at Air Keroh toll. by the time we reached there, it was oredi maghrib, n fortunately my uncle got 3 rooms at Air Keroh Country Resort at mini malaysia, just less than 5 mins from the toll booth.

the hotel was.. wat can i say, not dat comfortable to stay ah. the spring mattress felt as if it could give way any time from then, n the aircon was making a lot of noise. i took out the filter to find a thick layer of dust on it, so i washed them in the toilet. as i was putting the filters back, i saw the aircon cooling coil covered in fungus n dirt.. eeewwww!! no wonder it smelt bad! well, being an ex-soldier, i didnt mind the conditions ah, pity my mom coz she really felt sooo uncomfortable..

we decided to find another place to stay the next morning.. n i managed to get a 2-room apartment n a 1-room apartment at Century Mahkota Hotel, well-known by Singaporeans holidaying to Melaka. it turned out when i asked my uncle to call this hotel while we were on the highway, he only asked for 3-room apartment since i didnt ask him to ask for 2 or 1 room ones.. so since 3-rm apartments were fully booked, we all assumed there wasnt any more rooms available ah!!! silly me, juz coz i didnt have the mood to make the enquiry call...

wanna know more abt the trip? will continue soon.. stay tuned! *wink*

phew.. wat a hectic week..

2004-12-09T21:51:00.000+08:00

my malaysian uncle n family who's been working in brunei for the past 15 yrs, yes.. 15 YRS came over to visit. he's oredi 50 yrs old, hence he felt it was difficult for him to manuovre around even JB, wat more S'pore on his own. sooo me n family went over to my aunt's place dat i usually visit, to fetch them over on last Mon. he has 2 kids, first was a 15 yr old guy, whom i would consider a "nerd" ;), n a 13 yr old girl, whom i'd consider her a "streetsmart" person. watever it was, they made my house "noisy" n kecoh.. but i kinda like them ah.. except when they sleep late night.. coz i tot of making sure everyone's asleep b4 i shut off, so imagine having them up n talking on top of their voices while discussing over their crushes or bf/gf on the msn or something.. all dis at about 1.30am? luckily i had my darling to talk to after dat... n wat a conversation! *wink*

anyway, the past few days went like dis..

mon: woke up slightly late than usual. aftr cleaning house, left to Sheng Siong Woodlands. reached there at abt 1pm. bought stuffs for Laksa in the evening. topped up petrol from there, n headed for JB. reached there abt 2 plus. left JB abt 3 plus. reached home, prepared dinner, n ate at dining table "ramai2". then just lazed around till sleeping time.

tues: went Popular bookstore at Tiong Bahru Plaza in the late morning. uncle n family bought books for the kids n for themselves. i got myself "the ultimate Transformers" hardcover book abt my fav cartoon! then headed to Bras Basah after dat to get more books.. n ended up at Popular at dat branch! bought more books. drove up to Hjh Maimunah to buy dishes for the family. didnt eat there coz for the entire stay here, the daughter, Nurul, was fasting Syawal.. reached home just to solat, then i left to tampines to help my friend wif his gf's pc. then headed to Sembawang for a hari raye gathering wif the camp trailblazer ppl... then dropped kids at Sembawang MRT stn for their parents to fetch them. dropped my friends off at tampines n bedok reservoir b4 fetching my darling from wk.. it was our 1st mth anniversary n the day wouldnt be complete without meeting her for a while :)

wed: initially wanted to go visit my eldest uncle at Holland Close, but not at home. headed to Omni Theatre to catch show. my uncle n family watched 2 movies, me n family just caught the second one, "forces of nature" coz my mom needed to see family doc b4 dat. next, went to science centre exhibition.. n i really enjoyed it! wanted to go there again, mebe wif my sayang.. headed straight for home at 2.30pm. entire family tired, so we didnt go Sim Lim. had dinner at Cheese Prata Shop in the evening. drove thru orchard rd to see xmas lights, then went to changi beach to see planes.. only to have them soo far coz they're only close during landing, but it was take offs last night. uncle got held up by police in a road block routine checking on our way to the beach. stroke up conversation wif the policemen.. its funny i was talking to them like i know them.. when all the while i dont like police! hehehe reached home at 12 plus in morning.

thurs: finally went to my uncle's house. then dropped by Sim Lim Sq. my mom n dad rested in car while i brought them to the right shops. then headed straight to JB to my aunt's place. later on, uncle drove to Hotel Sri Malaysia where he n family will spend a few days there.. they didnt want to trouble my aunt. n my aunt oso not healthy enuff to be a good host to them... n now im home...!!

eyes wanna shut oredi.. good nite everybody!

its been 1 month.. :)

2004-12-07T01:00:00.000+08:00

n alhamdulillah the more i know u, the more my love for u grows. ur understanding of my past n ur willingness to go thru life wif me makes me feel at ease n at peace, alhamdulillah. thanx for crossing my path too, for without Allah's blessing n ur presence, life for me may still be as rocky n uncertain as i was for the past few mths..

once again, thanx, sayang. May Allah continue His blessings for us till the end of time, insyaAllah.

bi bahibak da :)

2004-12-05T16:11:00.000+08:00

the days been bz wif festive visiting, as my parents didnt seem to end the visiting list! but the most important day was last fri, 26 Nov. we were at my neighbour's house at abt 10pm when i overheard my dad's conversation on his hp, n i, as usual, eavesdropped the conversation. it turned out my close cousin had a misunderstanding wif her dad, resulting in her dad chasing her out of the house. wat made me furious dat she was chased out juz coz she lost her entire bag containing her wallet, IC, other cards, house keys n her office clothes while she was jogging at yishun stadium.

it was my cousin's stubbornness dat led to the bag's disappearance. she assumed dat if she were to leave it on the grandstand like she'd done before, it wont be stolen. like as if there werent any lockers avaible for use. fortunately she was holding onto her hp as she ran. else, more problems would arise.

her father has long disliked her own daughter. imagine having a father who didnt want to send his own wife for medical checkup when she was bearing u in her wombs? n imagine dis.. how would u feel when ur own father gingerly offered ppl to buy her own daughter when she had just been born. n now when confronted, he denied being serious abt it!!! ok wait, we'll go to dat part later.

so when we left the neighbours house, we drove straight to woodlands to find out wat really happened. as we were reaching, her mom called to say we didnt need to come over coz its been settled. i reached the house, seeing my poor cousin, eyes swollen from crying buckets earlier. i pulled her to her room while my parents tried to cool her father down. i asked my cousin wat she felt at dat time. as expected, she felt like leaving at dat instant. bear in mind, she had oredi packed almost the entire belongings. soon after, my dad came in, n asked how she was. we decided to take her over to my house while things cooled down in a week. her dad could even say "u f*** off dis house" n refused to "salam"! my dad insisted n he gave way to let her daughter "salam" him.

lucky for us, there's a spare room for my cousin to use. to cut the whole story short, we called my dad's eldest bro coz her father said the only ppl dat can interfere would be my dad n his bro. we were furious coz he threatened her own wife on sunday morning by saying "kalau dia balik, tau lah ape aku nak buat". so we confronted her father dat night. it started out diplomatically, then the conversation got heated. i got involved coz he kept on blaming her daughter for not calling home to inform she wanted to go jogging. in other words, he accused her of lying behind his back, while we all know if my cousin were to call, he would definitely say no. i even raised my voice to get my point across as he kept on accusing me of disrespecting him, while at dat point of time i argued back saying "u said im disrespecting u, but did i use any vulgar word like u using at me now?" i was mad, really mad. crazier to see dat my cousins mom didnt even side her a single bit, kept staring at my cousin as if her husband's an angel! n when we shot at the father saying dat he likes to bad mouth our family, my aunt totally denied dat she conveyed those things to us, when in actual fact she was the one who complained to my parents abt the badmouthing! i hate it when we were there to help the mother from being a victim, but she protected the very person who abused her n the family, n not helping herself. i give up. i've lost respect to my own aunt whom i've been empathising but lost dat faith when she didnt want to stand up to her rights when we were there to back her up.

in short, we got my cousin to be accepted. but we warned them dat if my cousin were to be chased out again, we'll pick her up, send her to my cousin's place at bedok, n make a report to MCD n Syariah Court the very next day. all becoz the father feels disrespected when my cousin didnt share the same dining table, didnt talk to him, when he himself didnt show love n care to the entire family...

haaaahhh finally...

2004-11-25T20:15:00.000+08:00

i tried updating the blog last few days ago but somehow i wasnt able to add any entry. so for my adik orange fanatiq, here's my new entry! :)

its been a hectic first week of syawal. i guess i've been too busy dat i ignored my rest n my health dat i fell sick in the middle of my sleep on fri night. coincidentally on dat night, i went out wif my tajwid friends including our ustaz to some of our houses. at the last house, i was oredi having some discomfort in my throat. n i was really really sleepy. we reached our last house at 11pm, n as usual, we would spend quite a long time at dis house since its the same house we go for our classes. n there was coffee.. yes coffee!! i've begun a liking for coffee since i started dis class coz we finish late, n coffee helps keep me awake while i drive home. so dat night, i guess semua ngantuk, including me.. my ustaz advised me to drink coffee ah, since i'd be driving, n i would send my friend at Yishun first from Buangkok Green before i head home. so kita nie tak tau, org sakit tekak tak leh minum kopi coz its heaty. buuttt, i drank at least 4 glasses.. n the host was still offering me more but i was oredi full...

soooo i woke up at about 4am looking for my dad's remaining lozenges coz my tonsil swelled very bad! heheheh... tried to bear the flu till the end of the day when i decided to go see the doc on sunday morning, which i did. got the necessary medicine, but my cough got bad. alhamdulillah now its better. but the usual ritual of coughing out the night phlegm really hurts the diaphragm n the stomach muscles! coz if i didnt do dat, it really feels irritating like having something stuck in the throat!

met a friend for lunch at PP yesterday afternoon. it was a time to catch up wif each other, coz its been quite a while since we met n chat. n i guess it was a time for her to ask me abt my new person in life which i'll describe in the later part of dis entry. i enjoyed the time i spent wif her, her antics alwiz makes me laugh n i've alwiz enjoyed her company. towards the end of the meeting, i wanted to "mintak maaf" face to face, but she avoided it, n i could see tears welling in her eyes. she said dat we've oredi done dat on msg n mail. i decided not to push it. i felt bad dat she had to feel sad. i guess it brought back memories. but i seriously hope she's happy now, i noticed her relationship has improved tremendously, n she doesnt have to feel responsible abt wat happened, now dat i've finally settled down wif someone. to my friend, thanx for everything. ive finally moved on now, n im happy to see u happy too. i wish u all the best in ur future endeavours. friends forever... :)

hmm... i think some ppl r waiting for me to tell more abt my new person in life.. :) ya, alhamdulillah, thanx to my colleague n his girlfriend, i was introduced to one of their relatives. at the beginning, i oredi told them dat they shouldnt expect anything to turn out from dis friendship, coz we cant predict the future. i accepted the introduction wif an open heart, to start a new friendship, n let Allah pave the way for anything if any. moreover, we started from a simple strings of sms and occasional phone calls. n ya, it was thrilling to meet her for the first time, when i fetched her from SIM one night. we had a light dinner, and spent the remaining time at boat quay, enjoying the serene n peaceful night.

from then on, we carried on the calls, n met occasionally. as our friendship progressed, i learn more of her, her sweet n pleasant character, n her crappiness, just as crappy as me. but im still the more crappy between the two! n i like her for her ability to not just able to tolerate my crappiness, she could even match it to a higher level! hahaha ya, i really enjoyed talking crap wif her. sometimes i would be the one at the loss of words.... but we never fail to crap to each other. dat makes our conversation very chirpy n upbeat most of the time.

i believe Allah really paved the way for us to be together, coz i began to develop feelings for her after 4 mths of friendship, n it was really special for us when we became "official" on the night we believed was Lailatul Qadr. it was malam 23 Ramadhan, n dat night, we met a while after i ended my tuition at Simei, n she was from mosque performing terawih. it was sooo sweet of her to give me a small bottle of my fav choc chip cookie!! n her mom asked her to give me a roll cake they made themselves. i sent her home after a brief 30 min meeting, n headed home. n dat night was soo peaceful. the sky was totally clear, stars were twinkling all over, n it was breezy. i got to do terawih wif my mom at home, n my other half went to Qiamul lail at Alkaff mosque. i believe it was a good start to a brand new life, n we're looking forward to developing our relationship further along Allah's guidance n blessing.

phew, i've written a lot... will continue in another entry. do give some comments if u feel like it regarding dis :)

2004-11-17T14:04:00.001+08:00

me n me bro! stay kool, bro. :)

2004-11-17T14:04:00.000+08:00

amacam? boleh jadi Boy Band tak? ahaks!

2004-11-17T14:03:00.001+08:00

check out the height. me being the eldest but shortest, n Hidayat, being the youngest (15 yrs old) n the tallest among us all!!

2004-11-17T14:03:00.000+08:00

mcm couple eh! hehe

2004-11-17T14:02:00.000+08:00

my closest cousins. we grew up together at my grandma's place. now we're like brothers n sis. alhamdulillah we managed to get back together after losing touch in our teenage days! :)

2004-11-17T14:01:00.003+08:00

Din n Hashim

2004-11-17T14:01:00.002+08:00

Me n Azizah

2004-11-17T14:01:00.001+08:00

Cousin Din n me :)

2004-11-17T14:01:00.000+08:00

Cousins Shidah n Masrina

2004-11-17T14:00:00.001+08:00

Makciks n Pakciks! Me dad n mom on the left bottom :)

2004-11-17T14:00:00.000+08:00

Cousins too! L to R: Hidayat, Azizah, Masrina n baby "Round" Hafizah!